Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Here’s your smoking gun on sex education in schools (unless there’s more here than meets the eye): The Canton, Ohio, school board’s centerpiece of sex ed is abstinence, but it now says a modification is due, after the stats came in: Of 490 female students at Timken High School last yr, 65 got pregnant.

The heavy-metal scene in Egypt? Yep. But the music’s gotta stop when the local mosque blares out the calls to prayer. And though goatees and spiked hair are OK, no drugs or booze or heavy goth makeup. "We are here," said one partier, "because we cannot live without our music."

Candidate Mania: (1) A former ACLU lawyer running for Congress in Arizona is suing her husband’s ex-wife for telling voters that the hubby is between $500thousand and $750thousand [probably Cdn] behind in child support. (2) Ohio Democratic Congressional candidate Stephanie Studebaker is no soft, touchy-feely Democrat---no, wait, she is touchy-feely: She and her husband were both charged with beating each other up, and she has suspended her campaign.

The Clinton-Gates-Buffett African AIDS mission has its work cut out: At the International AIDS conference in Toronto this week, the South African kiosk featured apples, nectarines, lemons, and garlic, as demanded by the country’s health minister, who is big on nutrition as the key to fighting HIV. (Only after some murmuring was a display of anti-retroviral drugs added.)

In other words, yuk-yuk-yuk, those ignorant, backward African countries! And aren’t we in the great US of A privileged to live in the vanguard of intellectual advancement! Er, well, there’s this survey, from a Michigan State researcher, showing that, when it comes to accepting the science of evolution, the U.S. more resembles a cargo-cult country than it does Europe and Japan.

Ready for the new Sally Struthers infomercial, "Won’t you please donate your used thighmasters?" At an int’l conference in Australia, U. of North Carolina Prof. Barry Popkin said the current global figures are: 850 million undernourished, one billion fat people.

The former head of the NY Stock Exchange, Ratso Riz--no, no, Greedo Grasso, might be ready to come out of the transgender closet soon, according to Monday’s NY Post. That is, his 1995 employment contract specified that his pension would have life expectancy determined by a traditional male-mortality table, but by the time of the 2003 contract, life expectancy was to be determined 50 percent by male-mortality and 50 percent by female-. Ehhh, it was probably just a ruse to get a fatter pension. [Or . . . was it?]

On the legal front: In Skokie, Ill., "Mall Sued Over Squirrel Attack," but but but in the F State, "Student Sues [College] Over Boar Attack"!

Recurring Theme: Those awful things, those breast implants, are at least good for something, like stopping shrapnel from an Israeli bomb (as a bullet had been diverted years ago by an F State stripper’s implant [NOTW 307, 12-24-1993]). [CORRECTED: It was an Hizbollah rocket, hitting an Israeli woman.]

U.S. Sen. Conrad Burns was reportedly widely and here [Backstage, 7-28-2006] as critical of out-of-state firefighters who had come to help Montanans subdue a blaze in July, telling some exhausted, bedraggled men as they were ready to leave that they did a "poor job." Well, it was worse than that. The Billings Gazette reported yesterday that the actual terminology was "a piss-poor job," that the team "didn’t do a goddamned thing." (Burns now says that he was just representing his disgruntled constituent-farmers who had complained that their suggestions to the firefighters had been insufficiently appreciated.)

I’ll probably post some more stories this afternoon [CORRECTED: I already did], but I’m still sticking to my August schedule, as previously announced: Only Mon-Wed-Fri posts until the end of the month, when I’ll be back to 6 days a week.

Below The Fold
Yr Editor doesn’t know what’s going on up there in Holyoke, Mass., but the police chief just described a domestic fight in which a woman stabbed her beau in his (and I quote) "winky" . . . . . An ice-cream truck driver (with his obnoxious jingle player still going) was shot to death in Chicago, and police professed that they didn’t know any motive. Really? . . . . . Sounds like a joke: Zookeepers in Netherlands and Indonesia are planning an Internet connection between their respective orangutans, for kind of a visual chatroom . . . . . A UK Passport office rejected the application photo of a 5-yr-old girl because her bare shoulders were visible, which the employee thought might be offensive if her family traveled to a Muslim country . . . . . Two local councils in Australia have interpreted the "outdoor smoking areas" of bars to actually prohibit entry to nonsmokers . . . . . Northwest Airlines was only trying to be sensitive to employees’ taking pay cuts (to help keep the company afloat), but some of ‘em objected to Hint Number such-and-such on Northwest’s memo: "[Don’t be] shy about pulling something you like out of the trash" . . . . . He’s not a middle-name-Wayne murderer; he’s only a middle-name-Wayne dad helping bury the murder victim of his non-middle-name-Wayne son Perry . . . . . An F State foster dad who’s an electrician rigged up a little voltage to discipline his 3-yr-old, to break him of this nasty habit of peeing on sockets to see ‘em spark . . . . . Montanans living in 2 subdivisions near Lake Helena can be forgiven for not being as alarmed at the BP oil pipeline leak as they were about a 26m-gallon sewage leak dangerously close to Lake Helena.