Thursday, October 19, 2006

It’s the Political Season: A candidate for Oklahoma superintendent of education says the key to protecting kids from armed intruders is thick textbooks under every desk, to stop bullets (though in a demonstration, it took two calculus texts to stop an AK-47 slug) . . . . . A candidate for a County Board seat in Aurora, Ill., took The Only Way Out after he was charged with molesting two teenage girls . . . . . North Carolina congressional candidate Vernon Robinson is also sex-obsessed, but with his opponent, incumbent U.S. Rep. Brad Miller, who, Robinson says, is suspiciously "childless" and has voted for Nat’l Institutes of Health grants that somewhere down the line went to study things like the masturbation habits of old men . . . . . State Rep. Bill Sali, running for one of Idaho’s two U.S. House seats, said in 2002 that he suffered from "brain fade" due to a car wreck but that "[m]uch of the time in the Legislature, critical-thinking skills are not necessarily needed." [from; scroll down; better links in story]

From "A sluggish, sick human is easy to spot. But it’s harder to tell when a shrimp is under the weather. So one scientist put the little crustaceans on a tiny treadmill to examine how diseases impact their performance." Said the scientist in question (David Scholnick of Pacific University): "As far as I know this is the first time that shrimp have been exercised on a treadmill . . .."

A tongue-piercing gone bad led to trigeminal neuralgia, sometimes called "suicide disease" because of the excruciating, stabbing pain lasting 10-30 seconds, 20-30 times a day, and has been known to drop people to their knees. And in Boston, a mom was found guilty for ignoring her 13-yr-old daughter’s life-threatening infection caused by a navel-piercing.

The three-stoogiest moment of the week so far was in Ankara, when the driver for Turkey’s Prime Minister Erdogan rushed him to the hospital, unconscious from low blood sugar, but then accidentally locked him inside the fortress-like sedan outside the ER, requiring a nearby construction worker with a sledgehammer to come break the window.

The wussification of the world continues (but, thankfully, two of these are from the UK): One of Britain’s top employment-recruiting agencies ordered 22 words banned from its ads as potentially offensive to older workers, including vibrant, dynamic, ambitious, energetic, quick-learner, self-starter, and high-flyer [slow-load page] . . . . . The chief of Britain’s parenting organization Family Links suggested parents never use the word "naughty" for kids because it hurts their self-confidence . . . . . An elementary school in Attleboro, Mass., made the news for its ban on games of tag (though the ban has been in effect for a while and other schools in the district still permit it).

Below The Fold
This has probably never happened before in the history of the world, but on the Intracoastal waterway in Broward County, Fla., a stingray . . stabbed a man in the chest! . . . . . A man denied trying to kill his wife (by ramming his gloved hand down her latex-allergic throat), presenting as proof their written S&M contract: "In section four of the contract, it says the master does not have a right to kill the slave" [emphasis added] . . . . . Women’s pro football player (and Connecticut corrections officer) Corynthia Simpson had 10 tackles in a game in June, all the more impressive because she’s now charged with being on paid disability at the time, for work injuries.