Thursday, November 16, 2006

The Belmont (Calif). City Council voted to ban all smoking (as in "everywhere") except in single-family, detached homes. That probably doesn’t mean that apartment-dwelling cigarette fiends will be breaking into houses just so they can light up, but it’s likely to cause some trouble (even though it’s lumped in with the lowest of the misdemeanors). Meanwhile, up the peninsula, the Board of Supervisors of San Francisco said, in spirit, anyway, that its residents can smoke marijuana any damn where they want (well, they voted to make sale, use, and cultivation of marijuana the lowest law-enforcement priority) (and also to ban restaurants from using Styrofoam and such).

I’m tellin’ ya, ol’ L. Ron had it all figured out: The traditional version of the Scientology wedding that Tom Cruise and his anointed will have Saturday includes telling him that girls need "clothes and food and tenderness and happiness and frills, a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat" and telling her that "young men are free and may forget" their promises.

Sounds Like a Joke: Marion Barry (still a member of D. C.’s city council, in case you forgot) pleaded not guilty to DUI Tuesday and told the Washington Post that the authorities were trying to "embarrass and discredit" him. Uh . . . never mind.

Animal House Meets the Pleasant Valley nursing home (Argyle, N.Y.): The nursing aide said he only put a pillow on the 85-yr-old Alzheimer’s patient’s face and smacked him a couple of times ("not hard") because he was just joking. Also, police in Sun City, Fla., happened by a parked SUV to see an 80-something woman with a plastic bag tied over her head. Her husband, tracked down, said, Oh, that’s nothing, that he often did that in case she vomited while he wasn’t around. Both men were charged.

The Wisconsin guy who got overwhelmed with arousal last month at the voluptuous dead deer [Backstage, 10-21-2006] is not going down without a fight. The statute says no sex with an "animal," but his public defender said the deer had stopped being an "animal" upon its death. (When does a turkey cease to be an animal? When it’s wrapped in plastic? When it is eaten?) But, countered the prosecutor, if a pet dog dies, it is still the dog. It’s not referred to as the family carcass. Judge Michael Lucci is mulling it. (Wisconsin judges seem able to handle knotty problems like this. Another one has just ruled, on the lingering challenge by activists trying to save Superior's now-demolished Palace Theater, that "you cannot save a building if it doesn't exist.")

Below The Fold
An Anglican bishop (of Southwark), Tom Butler, joined the "better to let badly disabled babies die at birth" crowd . . . . . A German court ruled that it’s the contraceptive-implant doctor’s fault that it didn’t work and that he’s gotta pay until the kid turns 18 . . . . . Officials in Bijeljina, Bosnia, erect a monument to the cabbage ("We very much appreciate this vegetable") . . . . . Problem Solved: In Iida, Japan, a man met a woman through a suicide website and killed her (But he’s still charged with murder. Go figure.) . . . . . London’s Daily Mail found a man who can’t afford private dental care and so tightens his crown with Industrial Super Glue every two months ("You can’t really taste it, but you do have to be careful not to use too much, in case you glue your mouth shut") . . . . . In a USDA report on hunger, an agency sociologist said "hunger" is the wrong term and that hereinafter, it will be "very low food security" . . . . . A UCLA report says the film and television industry in Calif. puts out 140k tons a yr of pollution (and that’s just from Jerry Bruckheimer’s fires and Barbra Streisand’s air-conditioning [ba-dump-pa-dump!].