Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Nyah Nyah Nyah! The F State Didn’t Screw Up! Just a couple of glitches were reported, affecting (so far) just a few hundred ballots (of about 4.5 million). Meanwhile, for example, in Allentown, Pa., a well-behaved voter started working his machine and then just "snapped," suddenly, inexplicably, pounding it over and over with a paperweight until he was led away. Among those who were disappointed at the lack of a meldown in the F State: Al-Jazeera.

In fact, the sheriff’s office in Sarasota had a worse day than any of the state’s election officers. First, they misread an address on a mailbox and, guns drawn, no-knocked their way into a house, and after everyone was properly frightened to death, they discovered that the address on the warrant was next door. So they went next door and knocked and caught the right guy. But 20 minutes later they no-knocked back into the first house because a henchman on the warrant was named "Darryl McNeal" whereas one of the innocents in the first house bore the name "Durrell Jones," which obviously meant that he was Darryl using a false last name. But sometimes, Durrell Jones is just Durrell Jones.

Below The Fold
A cow that escaped its pen along the Queensland (Australia) coast wandered into the surf, paddled around, came ashore, paddled back out, came ashore, paddled back out, and, after four hours of aquatics, died of apparent water-intake . . . . . A 48-yr-old woman took the express lane to Hell, consigned there by the timber rattler at the snake-handling church in Laurel County, Ky. . . . . . An art display was impounded in Bolzano, Italy (well, it was a toilet rigged to play the national anthem when flushed) . . . . . Monica Nicholson bailed herself out on fraudulent-check charges in Decatur, Ill., by presenting jailers with a $10,000 cashier’s check, and . . D’oh!