Thursday, November 30, 2006

The odder the fetish, the easier it might be to get away with it. For instance, since pee and poops are not universally considered prurient behaviors, a fetishist of that persuasion might try to be a biologist, so that when he worked with his own inventory, he'd look legitimate. Similarly, an alleged foot fetishist, like, say, former Catholic school principal Robert Holloway, 50, of Lorain, Ohio, could just be an affable administrator and, for example, schedule a student-teacher volleyball game and make a blowhard bet that if the teachers somehow lost, the principal would have to, oh, kiss winning players' feet.

Chutzpah: Morgan Conatser, 29, having shoplifted a full-size guitar from a store in De Queen, Ark., stuffed the whole thing under his clothes and walked away. But then shop owner Clifton Lovell saw the stiff, oddly-bulged Conatser shuffling out the door and asked, "What have you got there?" Conatser failed to give the only plausible reply, which would involve a sclerosis of some sort plus several cystic growths in odd places.

No Longer Weird: Yr Editor is officially weary of the scrap-metal (currently, copper) thieves who steal from live electrical lines. Here’s the last one I’ll be reading (from San Bernardino, Calif.).

Aha! Here’s how the world works! That LA firefighter who had managed a $2.7m payoff from the city for race-oriented hazing (but which the mayor vetoed after seeing videos of the same firefighter, himself, engaged in hazing) [Backstage, 11-22-2006] showed up on Tuesday to plead his case for the city council to once again make him rich: Yes, he did several of those pranks, but but but, he said, those pranks were done out of "love" (including shaving the pubic hair of a firefighter bound to a gurney), whereas when someone puts dog food in your spaghetti, that is obviously racism, and $2.7m is the only way to set things right. (The city council voted to re-investigate.)

Below The Fold
Gene and Elinor Coleman celebrated their 77th wedding anniversay in Bristow, Okla., and, said Gene, most days "We sit here and look at each other" . . . . . Intelligence officials in Mongolia staged a realistic practice rescue of a terrorist-captured airliner, thus scaring the bejeezus out of passengers, who had not been informed. (Buried lede: Mongolia has a "Central Intelligence Agency") . . . . .Fairfax County, Va., citing health concerns, is sticking to its ban on homemade food gifts for the homeless (unless they were cooked in a county-licensed kitchen), despite the fact, of course, that with fewer such gifts, the homeless will be doing more Dumpster-diving this holiday season . . . . . It took 10 Bethlehem, Pa., cops to subdue the wild accused murderer Sonny Thomas (who would go on to be convicted of that night’s bloody, grotesque murder), and now Thomas has prevailed in his lawsuit against five of the cops for using excessive force (but on the other hand, he had asked for $35m in damages, and the jury gave him $34,999,999.00 short of that) . . . . . Juan Lopez was beaten, and then he was shot, at the Double Trouble Stable . . . . . Might be a translation problem: The Council for Animal Ethics in Denmark reportedly said the only real need to prohibit human-animal sex would be if it was for sex shows or porn . . . . . This is sooo last-year: The Hilarion Gimeno school in Zaragoza, Spain, canceled Christmas celebrations this year for fear of upsetting Muslims.