Thursday, November 02, 2006

Updates
David Stewart was acquitted in Shepherdsville, Ky., on Tuesday. He’s the guy fingered for calling all those fast-food restaurants and convincing managers to search/fondle their employees under the guise of an official investigation [Backstage, 10-27-2006]. Observers say the prosecution simply had too little evidence of the actual Kentucky call for which he was charged but that Stewart still was probably the guy. He made way-incriminating statements to police when arrested, and besides, the series of calls to various states’ restaurants ended when he was caught. A civil lawsuit remains, against McDonald’s for not protecting one of the victims, but it’s for, er, $200m, under the principle that two perversions make a normal.
An official announcement from Rep. Foley’s office said he has been a guest at the Sierra Tucson rehab center in Catalina, Ariz., since October 1, which would dispel the rumor that he had holed up with Scientologists (which was reported as a reliable possibility by Wonkette.com and repeated here [Backstage, 10-4-2006]).
Yr Editor has already brought to your attention the sex-obsessive U.S. House candidate in North Carolina, Vernon Robinson [Backstage, 10-19-2006], but he has an imitator at gumming the family-values playbook: U.S. House candidate Paul Nelson in Wisconsin. You’d think there were enough serious issues on the table in 2006, but Robinson and Nelson make big deals out their opponents’ support for federal arts and sciences-type grants that wind up in the hands of academics studying obscure sexual activities (e.g., Vietnamese prostitutes, masturbation habits of the elderly, genitalia-wiring to measure sexual responses). However, in Wisconsin, even his own party's honchos are appalled at Nelson.

Below The Fold
An apparently legitimate Australian charity worker impressed a woman very much with his helpfulness, until, that is, he informed her that, "As part of our charity we also change diapers for $1" . . . . . Yet another way to cut those religious corners to salvation: For about $3,100, a guy will make a pilgrimage for Catholics to the holy Sanctuary of Fatima in Portugal . . . . . He took his daughter trick-or-treating, but the cheapest costume he could find was his own old jail jumpsuit . . . . . In Birmingham, England, it got out that the gov’t actually paid a lightbulb-changer about twice as much yearly as the average worker . . . . . Unless the federal gov’t of India objects, Bangalore will soon become the more-ethnic Bengaluru, which means "town of boiled beans" (stemming from a 14th century king’s taste buds) . . . . . Police in Aurora, Colo., are looking for two "heavy-set" girls who went around robbing kids of their candy on Halloween . . . . . Masashi Kamata, 28, was arrested in Nagoya, with 5,000 pairs of stolen slippers in a rented warehouse ("Indoor shoes for school sexually stimulate me") . . . . . The Dept of Health and Human Services is revising its federal grant guidelines for 2007 to offer money for abstinence-only sex education programs to people as old as, er, 29.