Monday, December 18, 2006

Brilliant: Kevin Sutherland, 45, arrested in Salt Lake City for downloading child porn, says he’s innocent, in that he personally disapproves of child porn but that his shrink says he has multiple-personality disorder and that one of those MPD inhabitants happens to be a teenage boy who likes to look at nekkid pictures of teenage girls.

Least Competent (1) Australian model: She screamed hysterically at a riverside park in Adelaide, "Where’s my baby! Someone’s stolen my baby!" Turns out the 5-month-old’s buggy had rolled into the river when mom got distracted by a cell phone call. By the way, the story did not end well. (2) Gov’t Agency: That would be the Pentagon’s Guantanamo operation, in that the Associated Press has found, for instance, that the Afghanistan gov’t couldn’t come up with anything to charge the 80-plus Afghans with who were supposedly dangerous enemy combatants when the Pentagon finally shipped them back home. The same was true of about 120 others who were returned to their countries.

Recurring Themes: The latest site of rowdiness that police were forced to use crowd-control weapons at because people couldn’t line up in an orderly fashion for the right to pay $135 for sneakers (that are virtually no improvement over Stephon Marbury’s Starburys, at $15): Louisville, Ky.
Here’s a Los Angeles Times story on why people might believe that it’s a miracle that the skillet burns on a tortilla resembled the supposed face of Jesus.

Updates
(1) Our old friend King Wangchuck (no relation) of Bhutan is retiring, he the proud creator of "gross nat’l happiness" as a measure of his reign and his kingdom the place with a continuing legacy of tributes to the almighty clinton [NOTW 903, 5-29-2005]. (2) The NY Post says Miss USA Tara Conner is much more than an underage drinker [Backstage, 12-16-2006]. Even back home in Russell Springs, Ky., she ran with the Oxycontin-and-paint-thinner crowd. In NYC, apparently, she slept with every man with a pulse. [Note to Conner’s lawyers: That was a joke, using "exaggeration" as a humor construct.] (3) Here’s the Lead Story from NOTW 901 (5-15-2005):
Windsor, Ontario, hair stylist Waddah (Martin) Mustapha was awarded the equivalent of about US$270,000 by a court in April after he testified that he became racked with depression upon seeing a fly inside a commercial bottle of water at his salon. Presumably, damages would have been more if Mustapha had actually drunk from the bottle (or even opened it). As it was, he and his wife vomited, and he required extensive psychotherapy for nightmares, loss of sense of humor, increased argumentativeness, lack of desire to shower regularly, and constipation.

Well, on Friday, Canadian law came to its senses.

Housekeeping
For the next 2-1/2 weeks, Yr Editor will be in low-news mode, in that there is less weird news plus fewer newspeople around to report it. Hence, I will post only Monday, Wednesday, and Friday this week and the following week (including Christmas and New Year’s day), and won’t return to everyday-posting until Wednesday, January 3. And although I love all my readers, it's none of my business whether or not you have happy holidays.

Below The Fold
UFO paranoids are thinning out in Whitehorse, Yukon, according to the Whitehorse Star (which, believe it or not, carries News of the Weird) . . . . . PETA is really upset about Dwayne Page, 27, already convicted for having sex with a dog, because he violated probation by viewing websites about "diapers for sexual arousal" . . . . . Unclear on the Concept: Larry and Donna Charpied have been fighting for nearly 20 yrs to keep an ugly dump away from the picturesque edge of Joshua Tree Nat’l Park, but take a look at the Charpieds’ longtime headquarters.