Thursday, December 07, 2006

The F State
Yr Editor is purposely trying to avoid cross-posting items from the brand-new weblog, The F State [LINK CORRECTED], but some of the stories certainly manage to rise above their Florida-ness. In the last couple of weeks or so, you would have learned of the ethical pedophile ("I do have morals, you know, because under [age] seven is nasty."); the passing of the world’s largest woman (who also holds the record for having lost 736 lbs); that lyin’ little wench Serena Williams; that love triangle featuring, as jiltee, Mr. Taj Mahal Owens; the Florida election that ran smoothly (but unfortunately was only of Venezuelan citizens lining up in Miami to vote for Hugo Chavez); "I’m more careful in my kitchen handling chicken than [Jacksonville Naval Hospital is] with their [surgical] patients"; the same-day breaking news of (1) the conviction of "Ronnie One Arm" Trucchio for muscling into the valet-parking business in Tampa for the Gambino family and (2) the rescue of the nude, coke-smoking Adrian "Righty" Apgar from the jaws of a 12-foot gator (with the name "Righty" being supplied by Yr Editor based on the outcome of the Apgar-gator match); a major state agency continually, blatantly, in-your-face-refusing to obey a court order to follow a simple state law requiring mental-health treatment; and so forth. Ain’t Florida great?

Update
Half of the lead story in this week’s NOTW [982, 12-3-2006] was wiped out Tuesday when NY state officials decided not to let trannies change their birth certificates so easily. The proposed change (a doctor’s and a mental-health counselor’s signatures, plus having lived two yrs as the other gender) had reportedly been a shoo-in to be enacted.

Below The Fold
A couple in the state of Mpumalanga in South Africa have been ordered by their village elder not to do their thang until 10 p.m. because their screeching bothers their TV-watching neighbors . . . . . Latest highway truck spill: on I-205 in Vancouver, Wash., a quarter-ton pig (that was uninjured in the fall or by the traffic, but whose prognosis is nonetheless grim) . . . . . Jihadists are apparently worried about online security, too, as evidenced by the inaugural edition of the 64-page publication Technical Mujahid . . . . . The drunk did the right thing by calling a taxi to get home but then sorta defeated the purpose by jacking the taxi and driving it home, himself . . . . . Two Swedish border guards quietly over time compiled their own photo binder of hotties ("exceptionally beautiful" only) whose credentials they have checked (and photocopied) . . . . . When the going got tough in India’s West Bengal state (a recent spike in murders and accidental deaths), the people responded decisively—by heading over to two trees that had previously been "married" so as to facilitate prayers in times of crisis . . . . . A hardy Washington state backwoodsman (took no food or camping equipment) was rescued after being trapped in a blizzard—and was arrested because he had remembered to bring his marijuana . . . . . Des Moines, Iowa, police detective: "[If four college kids are] going to have a bottle rocket war, it would be a lot better to do it outside."