Thursday, January 11, 2007

Can’t possibly true (and maybe it’s not ‘cause Yr Editor doesn’t understand this at all): Man breaks into woman’s house, puts on her clothes, and chokes the turkey on her bed. And according to the BBC News story, "David Pickup, for the prosecution, said he could not find an offense for the case to proceed" (in that burglary was out, since the man never tried to steal anything). Prosecutors want to leave the guy with an ASBO (anti-social behavior order, which is sort of like a traffic ticket that says, "Now stop that!"). Fine, as "prosecutorial discretion." But to claim that there’s no other way to prosecute him? [Of course, in Texas, the resident could have legally shot the masturbateur dead, no questions asked.]

Uphill defense: Accused abortion murderer James Kopp’s federal trial opened in Buffalo, with Kopp telling the doctor’s widow, "Mrs. Slepian, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I respect you and your family." It’s just that, well, he missed the shot. He intended only to wing Dr. Slepian so he’d stop those abortions, but, what do you know, he killed him. (Kopp was already convicted of the murder under state law, and also by a Law & Order jury; this is a separate federal charge of interfering with an abortion clinic.)

Given Chicago’s rich history, this dilemma probably looks fresh only to Yr Editor and not to long-time Machine-watchers: If an alderman (say, Arenda Troutman) takes your bribe money to grease through your public works project for her district, but the project is actually on the other side of the street, and therefore technically in another district beyond her influence, is it then an illegal bribe?

Below The Fold
Prozac for anxious cats! (And it works quite well, but what about cat postpartum depression? Or dissociative-identity disorder, where cats also think they’re dogs or snakes?) . . . . . A 71-yr-old Brit labored three yrs to make a 4-ft-high replica of St. Paul’s Cathedral—out of fruitcake . . . . . Tyrone Black, 44, was arrested in Des Moines, Iowa, obviously ready to cook fried chicken because the store owner caught the alleged shoplifter with pockets full of chicken and lard . . . . . India itself is anti-growth, but the Khasi tribe in the state of Meghalaya has seen its numbers dwindle and thus recently started handing out cash grants to mothers of 15 or more [Fark.com headline: "Indian district paying women to turn their vaginas into clown cars"] . . . . . Dorit Baxter spa in New York City introduces a $59, half-hour thumb massage for overcommitted text-messagers . . . . . In a Sunni-Muslim region of India’s Bihar state, at least 100 babies have been born since the first Gulf War with the name Saddam Hussein . . . . . Well, of course it’s the law that a disabled high school student can have a service dog in class (but wait, he’s only deaf, so . .) . . . . . A Massachusetts community college student accidentally handed in a CD with child porn instead of a CD with his class assignment (bonus: When he tried to get it back with a note to the professor, he began it [and I quote], "Oh snap, I am sorry").