Friday, February 02, 2007

Below The Fold
Said the pastor, I’m just a dupe, not a crook, and that’s why the church is short $800K, which was, er, "lost" in an "energies scheme" . . . . . Raelians surface again, seeking gov’t land to build an embassy for extraterrestrials, specifically, all those Raelians out there in space who, unlike Rael, didn’t land on Earth (oh, and it’s not our gov’t they’re asking; it’s Belize’s) . . . . . A scandal in Russia at a hospital where nurses routinely tape the mouths of screaming infants (a practice which Yr Editor, after deep internal debate, decided by 51-49 is wrong) . . . . . Brook Akins, 34, was finally arrested, in Salt Lake City, for an almost constant, five-hour stream of 911 conversations about his severely aching tooth . . . . . Abashiri Beer in Japan is said to have solved numerous brewing problems and has rolled out a beer that’s 30 percent milk . . . . . World Bank president Paul Wolfowitz, perhaps to show solidarity with the third world, wears socks with holes in them . . . . . "You jerk . . you made me rub your gross feet," was the reaction of a beauty spa operator to the man who’s still on the run after not paying her . . . . . Kevin Oliver was arrested in Omaha and charged with tricking women into leaving him urine samples under the pretext that they’re for job applications . . . . . Best headline: "Report: Shampoo Scents Make 3 Boys Grow Breasts" (which is a slight exaggeration, but, ehhh . . .).