Monday, February 12, 2007

FBI Shutters Fox Mulder’s Office: Well, not quite. Actually, Princeton University is shuttering its Engineering Anomalies Research lab (after 28 yrs of experiments on ESP and telekinesis). While several prominent people had supported the concept of the lab, it produced nothing of peer-review quality. (One editor told the lab’s founder Robert Jahn that he would publish a certain paper if Jahn could get it over to his office telepathically.) The noted watchdog of foolishness, physicist Bob Park, said good riddance.

Meanwhile, Cheshire, Mass., requested federal money for a new fire truck, didn’t get it, but the fire department was instead awarded a $656k Homeland Security grant to beef up its community volunteers to protect against terrorist targets (the most prominent being the Cheshire Cheese Museum) (but the grant stipulation won’t allow buying a fire truck).

Vermont’s proposed no-cellphoning-while-driving legislation is pretty comprehensive: No eating, drinking, smoking, reading, writing, personal grooming, "interacting with pets or cargo," or using any personal communication device while driving—and, just to prevent what sponsoring state Rep. Thomas Koch’s wife said she witnessed, no playing a musical instrument (especially that flute she saw).

Allen Falkner went to San Jose, Calif., last week to give a four-day seminar in the Art of Human Suspension (i.e., hanging from meat hooks) at a tattoo parlor to 15 students who believe their lives will never be the same. News you can use: Skin tears easily, so be careful. "There’s a lot of sharpness." (He means really bad pain.) "I love you in your meat hooks" (said the wife of a hanger). It’s still not certain how Fakir Musafar feels about all this, since he’s the guy who "popularized" hanging in the U.S. in a Modern Primitives book but feels too many people hang now without a proper appreciation of the cultural roots. Noted.

Breast implants made of one’s own fat were supposed to be an improvement over saline and silicone (er, feel-wise), but now, the ultimate, as a Japanese procedure has been approved in Germany (and therefore, the EU): fat plus stem cells, so that the implants come alive (though they can’t yet do better than B cup, probably).
George Dalmas got 3 yrs in prison for 17 break-ins and 1,074 panty-thefts in McLean, Va. We know about him because he was a mid-level administrator at the CIA [NOTW Daily, 2-9-2006]. Turns out he has more than "that" problem. He’s also kept his fingernail clippings for 20 yrs and constantly inspects pens for bugging devices. The panties, said a shrink, weren’t sexual, just calming devices for his out-of-control demons, and that's why he stored them so carefully in bags.

Below The Fold
A conservation group in Nepal is setting out "harmless" dead animals because contaminated ones are making vultures extinct . . . . . The Lead Story in NOTW this week is about merlot-fed cattle in Australia, but in the UK they’re using beer (40 pints a day) . . . . . A Macquarie University official in Australia, accused of mismanagement, had artwork seized by investigators as possibly university property, but wants it back because it’s hers, especially that painting of her butt . . . . . Excuse me? The Int’l Atomic Energy Agency, fed up with Iran’s posturing, said it would suspend half of the technical nuclear assistance it has been providing the country? Half? Has been providing? . . . . . Not your father’s model train set: At the Int’l Toy Fair in Nuremberg, companies introduce railside scenic figures of (1) police raiding a brothel and (2) a couple having sex in a meadow . . . . . Mobile hoarding: Ann Biglin’s car crashed, she said, because maybe a coffee cup or something landed on her accelerator, but police found her 2000 Ford Focus jam-packed with trash (bonus photo) . . . . . In Kenya’s notorious Kibera slum, they’re tired of celebrities dropping by, tut-tutting for photo opps, and leaving, and now they especially hate the commercial tours of Kibera for guilt-feeling adventurers . . . . . It’s a tough job being an anesthetist for zoo giraffes because, for one thing, like someone chopping down a tree, ya gotta figure out which way the giraffe will fall (which this guy didn’t) . . . . . Tennessee says it’ll go back to the drawing board on its official executioner's manual, into which "lethal injection" instructions were interspersed with the old "electric chair" instructions, as if you had to set a rheostat just before you stuck the guy . . . . . A lawyer to despise (until some day you need him): The evidence showed that a cop with a problem stalked a woman, then traffic-stopped her and ejaculated on her, but by the time the lawyer was done, the jury said it was all her fault.