Saturday, February 03, 2007

He also believes the Iraqi insurgency is in its last throes: President Yahya Jammeh of Gambia received a vision on January 18 (he’s long had psychic powers, he says) that he can cure asthma and HIV, but according to the vision, hours and patients are limited: Asthma, Fridays and Saturdays, 100-patient max, and HIV Mondays and Thursdays, 10-patient max. His secret visionary cure involves 7 herbs mentioned in the Quran. Cures within 3 days, guaranteed.

Everyone Has a Dark Side (continued): William French Anderson, 70, the "father of gene therapy," who was runner-up for Time magazine’s "Man of the Year" in 1995, was sentenced to 14 yrs in prison for his 4-yr "affair" with a co-worker’s daughter, starting at age 10.

Once again, only News of the Weird asks the tough question: London beauty salon proprietor Hari Salem now offers a 45-minute "Aberdeen Organic Hair" massage using a mixture of some plant root or other, plus deodorized bull semen, a product Salem swears has been successful in client after client. So, Salem was sitting around one day and says, "Gee, let me think of some substances that might make hair soft and shiny."

Below The Fold
A premier air accident investigator, reviewing an NTSB report on the non-fatal private-plane takeoff crash of pilot Andre Bauer (who is South Carolina’s lieutenant governor), said Bauer probably tried to take off without releasing the parking brake . . . . . Pervert or Alzheimer’s? An 89-yr-old man driving nude, with 100 nude photos of himself, actually may not have been up to anything . . . . . A squad of American Indians from eight nations is active in using ancestral hunting skills to help track down drug and human traffickers along the Arizona border . . . . . Cultural diversity: The consulate of India in San Francisco routinely tosses out paper records of Americans’ visa applications, explaining that "privacy" can’t be violated unless there are credit-card or Social Security numbers . . . . . Police in Lubbock, Tex., are holding a man who strung up wire at neck level on wilderness bike paths because all those recreation people are destroying nature . . . . . A registered sex offender was arrested for porn possession in Boulder, Colo., but, come on, all he wanted to do was print out pornography in the privacy of his own, er, public library . . . . . Weird hobby: Lincoln, Neb., authorities cleaning out a storage locker of a man who died last year found his collection of, er, 47 gravestones (all stolen) . . . . . Whatever substance it was, Yr Editor wants some: The man was sitting in a vehicle on the street, and suddenly his arms started "thrashing around," said a witness, like he was having a seizure, but it turns out he was just huffing something