Friday, February 23, 2007

There’s your problem, right there: It’s an innocuous little story, about an upscale pet-accessories shop in Seattle, called High Maintenance Bitch, a name that doesn’t sit well with the local neighborhood association. Said its director, Janet Stillman, "I am probably the most progressive liberal person in the world, and I am personally offended by the sign." Of course. It’s only the ordinary, unprogressive people (like, well, Yr Editor) who know how foolish it is to expect to go through life unoffended.

Recurring Theme: This time it was a highly-inappropriate cross-check to the face by a player against a referee in a recreational hockey game that sent the guy to the hospital for a CT scan, but, wouldn’t you know it, once again doctors fortuitously found an operable tumor in someone's brain that might have grown to be inoperable if they hadn’t caught it.

Ashrita Furman has for a long time been doing his job of being a self-described attention whore. (Well, he never actually used that phrase, but he has said that he does outrageous things to make himself prominent, or something like that.) News of the Weird has featured him a couple of times, more recently in 2003 [11-2-2003]:
Mr. Ashrita Furman, 48, claims the world record for breaking world records (81, 20 of which are still recognized by the Guinness Book), demonstrating extraordinary but fanciful skills, such as the fastest mile run while balancing a bottle of milk on his chin, unicycling backward for 53 miles, and pogo-stick jumping (3,647). According to a June [2003] New York Times profile, Furman is a celibate bachelor with few possessions and lives quietly in an India-American community in Jamaica, N.Y., whose residents are spiritually guided by guru Sri Chinmoy. He said he would go the distance in the November [2003] New York City Marathon not by running but by skipping. [New York Times, 6-12-03]
Well, Furman, in Chiang Mai, Thailand, this week, did 40 squat thrusts in one minute while on the back of an elephant, which he said has just gotta be a record, and the Guinness Book people should expect to hear from him soon. Said Furman, "I’ve had this dream of doing a record on the back of an elephant for many, many years . . .."

Below The Fold
Hubba hubba: Iran announced plans to reserve an island in Oroumiyeh Lake for the exclusive use of female tourists . . . . . Arrested in Moultrie, Ga., on a charge of hiring a hit man: the 49-yr-old Mr. S. G. Contractor . . . . . A dozen seniors sightseeing during their cruise ship’s port call in Limon, Costa Rica, were accosted by three young punk-robbers, and after some of the seniors opened cans of whoop-ass, two punks fled and the third was killed in a lethal headlock . . . . . And speaking of whoop-ass, the attempted robbery of a Christian bookstore in Mesa, Ariz., was thwarted by a 58-yr-old clerk who stomped the perp and chased him out the door . . . . . Defense Minister Amir Peretz is apparently the Dan Quayle of Israel, with the latest: being photographed while observing troops through binoculars with the lens caps still on . . . . . Almost No Longer Weird: He called the cops to report a burglary in progress, but by the time they arrived, all they could see in plain sight were his 10 bongs and 23 oz. of marijuana [CORRECTION: 23 grams] (Note: Story has caller’s mug shot, and frankly, he doesn’t look too broken up by his arrest) . . . . . The Grand Mufti of Egypt, Aly Gomaa, ruled that hymen-reconstructive surgery is OK and that any man who insists on his future wife’s virginity should be prepared to demonstrate his own . . . . . Uh-oh: Chimpanzees in Senegal were documented making sharp spears with their hands and teeth and then finding and stabbing to death (Hitchcock Psycho-style, said a researcher) baby something-or-others, for food . . . . . Andre Henry’s defiant defense to a secretly-recorded jailhouse confession to 27 violent-crime charges was that it wasn’t he confessing, but his twin brother, who had switched cells with him (One slight complication: He has no twin brother [and thus was convicted]).