Friday, March 16, 2007

Friday’s Drip
Baptist Big concludes that God made a huge mistake (about gays and lesbians) / The Big Bad Wolf and the Three Little Dogs / Chess-boy nerd lands himself a stripper / and a NOTW Daily Erroror

Civilization in Decline
Pastor Albert Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, said Christians should prepare for the day when science proves that homosexuality is biologically wired (he doesn’t think it’s there yet) and begin thinking of "solutions," e.g., prenatal hormone therapy to flip those little God-created sinners while they’re still in the womb . . . . . Students ages 7 through 11 at the Honley Church of England Junior School (Huddersfield, West Yorkshire) will perform later this year the classic children’s tale of the big, bad wolf and the three little p—uh, puppies—which head teacher Gill Goodswen thinks will better encourage Muslim pupils to sing along, too (though a spokesman for the Muslim Council of Britain basically just shook his head in a daze).

The Human Condition Today
Must be something about Trenton, N.J., which is where at least four "diplomats" from Abannaki Indigenous Nation (that includes Earthlings, Martians, and Venusians) have chosen to reside (and break the law) . . . . . They’re not to be confused with Ms. Samara Spann, who belongs to a Tupac Shakur cult and who pleaded guilty to drowning her daughter in a bathtub and cutting her head off.

Your Daily Loser
Maria Daniels was arrested in a Cincinnati suburb and charged with setting up her four kids with 70 aliases just so they could scam 21 local libraries out of 837 DVD’s that she resold. On the other hand, she’s a raving beauty!

Chess is such a lonely endeavor: South American champion Emilio Cordova, 15, broke away from his handlers after winning the title in Argentina and headed for Sao Paulo, where he has hooked up with a 29-yr-old stripper . . . . . CPR has been found to be more effective if you skip the mouth-to-mouth crap and just pump the chest (which is a good thing because the main finding was that almost nobody wants to lock lips, anyway) . . . . . This week’s big story in Kansas City: A judge ruled that Cindy Garcia did not defraud her ex-fiancé Ferris Griggs, i.e., that Ferris knew full well when he was having all that great pre-marital sex with Cindy that she was really a man, and thus that their jointly-owned house has to be split 50-50.

NOTW, The Blog
Erroror: In yesterday’s top story (and thanks to several people who were more alert when they read it than I was when I wrote it), the three wrongly-convicted inmates don’t have to pay for 25 percent of their room and board expenses over the combined 47 yrs of wrongful incarceration; they only have to pay back 25 percent of the gov't's guilt-payout to them for their wrongful incarceration (again, on the ground that the gov’t was providing "essential" services to them that they’d incur even if they had not been in prison) (which is still messed up, of course).
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.