"Not my fault" that I was six times over the blood-alcohol limit / The dentist who uses tools off the tray to clean his ears / Age 7 and 254 lbs. / And the year without toilet paper
Civilization in Decline
Sleep disorders are still striving for a cachet, as an American Airlines pilot who showed up for duty in Manchester, England, with 6 times the car-driver blood-alcohol max was acquitted by a jury after he swore the whiskey bottle was that full when he went to sleep but only this full when he woke up . . . . . The alpha priest of Santeria in Dallas-Ft. Worth rejected the town of Euless’s compromise (OK to sacrifice chickens but not goats), in that it’s only the blood-energy of a four-legged animal that most clearly opens up communication with the spirits . . . . . One Quran-centric German judge turned down a Moroccan-German woman’s request for a quick divorce, to stop her M-G husband from beating her, because of that verse that lets hubby avenge his honor if the wife is cuttin’ up . . . . . And cute Knut the polar bear cub is still alive in Berlin Zoo despite calls for his execution from, er, wildlife activists, who have been enthusiastically informing us that Knut really prefers death to being raised in captivity.
The Human Condition Today
Police in Kyoto, Japan, arrested a man who was ticked off that a new highrise was blocking his sunlight and who had maybe wanted to open up some see-through space, one bullet hole at a time . . . . . North Carolina Social Services is threatening to confiscate Joyce Painter’s 7-yr-old son Justin (if they can lift his 254-lb. keister), even though she swears that doctors she’s consulted are baffled . . . . . Wal-Mart tried to shoo a fretting Margaret Trask out of its Beaufort, S.C., store after she plunked down over $1,000 of her own money to buy up (and then destroy) voluntary-recall pet food so that others wouldn’t mistakenly buy it . . . . . British dentist Alan Hutchinson looks ripe for de-licensing, what with all the complaints of lack of hygiene, e.g., puts tools back in service without sterilizing, including the ones he uses to clean his nails and ears . . . . . Artist Christopher Goodwin of Washington, D.C., is the ideal dump truck driver for Junk in the Trunk refuse removal, said the owner, in that he "actually enjoys hauling away trash because he knows he might get some cool stuff" to sell in his trash-vending machines.
Your Daily Losers
Police raided suspected amateur counterfeiters’ trailer home in Damascus, Va., ["amateur" in the sense that their $20's didn’t even fool a store clerk in the mountain town of Damascus, population 980]. Valerie Lester was casually knitting, feigning ignorance of the smoke that was poring from underneath the mattress she was sitting on (representing a hurried attempt to burn some of the money).
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
It was Connecticut’s Malcolm Maker yesterday (in a ladies’ room at the Mohegan Sun casino), but today it’s Connecticut’s Steven Thibodeau, 25, who allegedly made in-shower videos of his female roommate by rigging a shampoo bottle with a camera (but was too cheap to go wireless, I mean, come on!).
The Chinese guy I mentioned (with photo) [NOTW Daily, 3-12-2007] who was the last property-owner holdout to a developer is now a big deal in Chongqing, and what’s more, it’s actually a woman, Wu Ping. The other 280 residents have gone, and it looks like Wu can only access her property by helicopter.
Two NYC yuppie writers set out on a "no impact" year (locally grown food, stairs only, zero carbon footprint, etc.) but that part about air-drying your TP-less butt every time is a challenge . . . . . The first hip transplant for a NY kitty cat, using an implant the width of a matchstick (and that’ll be $3,500, please) . . . . . And behold the bdelloid rotifer, only a little larger than a human sperm, but Imperial College London researchers say the little thingy still does offspring, despite not having had sex for, er, 100 million yrs.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.