Thursday, March 01, 2007

Hubbub over Grammar and Punctuation: (1) Arkansas state Rep. Steve Harrelson will get a lot of grief for this, but he’s correct: He has introduced a resolution to make the possessive of "Arkansas" officially "Arkansas’s," and not "Arkansas’," citing a long string of authorities. [Yr Editor, whose name is of course Charles, learned this rule 50 yrs ago.] (2) Florida state Rep. Rick Kriseman was fined $500 last week for altering the state-mandated disclosure on a campaign ad ("Paid Advertisement. Paid for and approved by Rick Kriseman" should be just one sentence.) (3) Police in Torrance, Calif., are still looking for the "English Major Bandit" (uh, that’s irony), whose oral instructions ("Make it quick, or I’m going to shoot") are more effective than his written ones (give me your "singels").

Rebeka Rice, who is Mormon and was 14 at the time, was playfully teased in 2002 by some Santa Rosa, Calif., classmates about whether she has "10 moms," but then she came back with, Oh, "that’s so gay" [which Yr Editor will have to translate for older readers: a tedious attempt to be hip]. But of course Rebeka got in trouble because school officials, unwilling to hire an anthropologist to help them understand the species teenager they are charged with regulating, considered it a slur. The parents are suing.

Fostoria, Ohio, hired a guy named John McGuire to be police chief, even though his résumé is apparently filled with exaggerations and worse (and he goes on trial this month for falsifications). Among the questionable résumé lines is the one touting his degree from the hallowed "Concordia College and University." A Fostoria drug defendant (who was arrested by the chief) is now asking the judge in his trial (not the résumé trial) to call the police department’s dog Rocko to the witness stand, in that the defendant apparently bought Rocko a Concordia diploma, too, to highlight Chief McGuire’s bogusity.

Inside NOTW
As you know, Yr Editor’s writing a 6-day-a-week column, plus the weekly column, plus setting up e-mail service for both, all done at no charge and on pristine templates free of advertising. So, how can I do that? Uh . . . well . . .. One way you can help me, if you would be so kind, is to lend Yr Editor a few mouseclicks from time to time (from you and your friends—spread the word) at a brand-new placement of the weekly column on Yahoo! (and especially if you use the MyYahoo! service). If you’re a dedicated reader of News o’ the Weird, you’ve already seen the columns, but, damn, I sure would like all the mouseclicks I can get because I think I’ll be paid, y’know, a dollar for every, oh, couple hundred mouseclicks, or whatever. (I honestly don’t know. It’s complicated. I presume it’ll be clear the first time they send me a check.) (At the News of the Weird page on Yahoo, you click through a headline to get the whole column for that week. As of now, there are three columns posted.) Thankya, thankyavermuch. Here's the direct link: Here's the direct link.

Below The Fold
A second middle-school principal (last week, Tampa, Fla., now Bethlehem, Pa.) was caught in a drug transaction in his office (Bethlehem bonus: He was naked) . . . . . "She was too lively. She absolutely had to be locked up, otherwise who knows what she might have done" (said an Egyptian immigrant, describing his 20-yr-old wife, after being charged with kidnaping in Crema, Italy) . . . . . Preview of a typical American debate in the year, oh, 2010: The family of a brain-dead Singapore man complained that the hospital pressured them to shut him down so they could get at his organs before they went bad . . . . . Kevin Russell, 21, was arrested in Hobart, Ind., trying to cash a check at a Chase Bank made out to him for $50k and signed by the payer, "King Savior, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Servant" (and Kevin had more checks where that came from) . . . . . Finally, high job-satisfaction scores, er, for Queensland, Australia, pros (the brothel-bound only, not the streetwalkers) . . . . . Schoolyard bullying is so bad in South Korea that the education ministry, backed by private money, is about to set up a trial program to hire bodyguards for particularly nerdy kids . . . . . In a Dallas, Tex., suburb, a 19-yr-old man is in critical condition after his 60-yr-old carjacking "victim" outwrestled him for his gun and shot him (and good for her!) . . . . . A wannabe Chicago screenwriter threatened to take The Only Way Out for the second time in two yrs over the "theft" of his work by Eddie Murphy, Ron Howard, and others who made "The PJs" (Bonus: He figures things started to go south when he sent the script to Oprah) . . . . . Rev. Craig Rubin goes to court tomorrow in Los Angeles to inform the judge that he’s not a dope dealer, that he’s a spiritualist whose church uses dope as a sacrament, with suggested offering of $60 for every 1/8 ounce dispensed (and Rev. Rubin credits God with telling him all this directly) . . . . . Copping a mob conspiracy plea in south Florida: the ever-dangerous Albert Facchiano, who’ll turn 97 next week.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.