Monday, March 12, 2007

Monday’s Drip
The company whose CEO took a net "loss" to work there last yr / Iraqi pilgrims imitate British redcoats / Rosie O’Donnell . . . "hanging" . . . upside down? . . . on purpose? / 4 men’s Waffle House tab: $100?

Civilization in Decline
What a guy! CEO Ian Cockwell of builder Brookfield Homes actually "made" a negative $2.3m last yr, but that’s just the way Securities and Exchange Comm’n rules want the numbers reported on his actual salary and bonuses of nearly $8m [NY Times $$$] . . . . . Uncloseted pedophile Lindsay Ashford publicized his personal 2008 Presidential selections, based solely on daughters’ or granddaughters’ cuteness (in the finals, Obama beats Santorum) . . . . . An Army recruitment commission sniffed that 73 percent of young Americans aren’t good enough (morally, intellectually, physically) to serve in the Army, anyway . . . . . More Shiite pilgrims marching in line for holy celebration (this weekend, in Karbala) conjure up images of British redcoats, making it oh-so-easy for the Sunni insurgent bombers (as redcoats were for colonial American musketeers) (But, said one Karbala pilgrim: "Even if I know I’ll die, I’ll still come") . . . . . The Sunday Times of London says documents indicate that an Iraqi exile who returned to run the defense ministry briefly after the fall of Saddam made one of history’s biggest robberies: $800m in shrink-wrapped U.S. currency that Washington shipped over with no controls . . . . . Bad enough that FEMA way-overspent for Katrina-era trailers, but after-the-barn-door-closed restrictions on the never-used ones mean they can’t now be employed for 2006 and 2007 disasters (nor as medical trailers for N’awlins’s way-overstretched hospitals).

The Human Condition Today
A Buddhist temple was invaded by hostile red ants, but the monks’ options are limited because they are forbidden to be hostile back to ‘em . . . . . Famed Maryland ballistics expert Joseph Kopera, a fount of competence for 37 yrs, takes The Only Way Out because, well, he couldn’t resist continuing to testify about those college degrees he actually didn’t have.

Your Daily Loser
Trucker Scott Hewitt, 34, was convicted of manslaughter (vehicular) in Augusta, Maine, and sentenced to 30 months, and it’s not like they didn’t see this coming: Hewitt has 63 driving convictions on his record and 23 license suspensions. The license was finally revoked this time, to the basic indifference of the family who is down one member due to the state’s not doing this sooner.

When fingerprints don’t ID a dead woman, Tampa police go to plan B, checking her breast implants for a code number . . . . . Rosie O’Donnell, confessing on The View Friday, said the Columbine shootings sent her into depression and, thus, yoga and "inversion therapy" (hanging upside down "like a bat") . . . . . A commotion at a Waffle House lets a table of 4 men duck out on the tab, but cops caught ‘em, and, anyway, how did they spend nearly $100 at a Waffle House? . . . . . An animal handler, delivering "inventory" to a Petco store, had a rollover accident, and as rescuers worked, the 100-or-so rats, gerbils, hamsters, etc., crawled all over her . . . . . Two Georgians tried The Only Way Out with a circular saw because their business failed (but then, so did their suicide) . . . . . On the Tohono O’odham Nation in Sells, Ariz., Johnny Soto said his 6-yr-old son ("Tadpole") was born to him and Anna Nicole Smith (as a result of her stay at a nearby resort), and he’s supposedly got the papers to prove it . . . . . Israel recalled its ambassador to El Salvador after he was found outside his residence there, drunk, naked "and wearing several sex toys" . . . . . There are super-stubborn people who resist developers changing their neighborhoods, and, then, there’s this guy.

Several Austin, Tex., readers added a delicious slice to last week’s story [NOTW 995, 3-4-2007] about the hesitancy of 911 to respond to a call about smoke at a bar-b-q restaurant (resulting in the place burning down): The 45-minute delay in responding was even harder to take because the closest fire station is, er, in the same block.
The Illinois judge who ostensibly permitted the out-on-bail, accused child rapist to go to Disney World [NOTW Daily, 3-9-2007], er, changed his mind.
Former Ted-Haggard-like Tulsa, Okla., pastor Lonnie Latham, last seen on these pages [NOTW Daily, 2-24-2007] proclaiming his constitutional right to invite men up to his room for sex, was acquitted of criminal charges.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.