Monday, March 26, 2007

Monday’s Drip
Humans taking over sheep bodies, one organ at a time / Murder is not enough; bodies must be julienned / It’s about time we had some good chardonnay ice cream / And spanking the monkey in Texas

Civilization in Decline
A Canadian scientist complains that all those amateur videos of Bigfoot (Sasquatch) on the Internet are ruining the credibility of his serious research on Bigfoot sightings [Ed.: of which there have been none to survive rigorous scrutiny] . . . . . A bill introduced in the Georgia legislature would allow highway billboard companies to clear-cut 500 ft to either side of their beauties (especially in the densely-wooded Appalachian forest in the northwest corner) . . . . . Univ. of Nevada Master of the Universe Esmail Zanjani announced he has created a sheep with some vital organs that are half-human (for an overall total of 15 percent) . . . . . Just lying there in the hot California desert, unattended, was an acre’s worth of donated, but rotting, food (think, yogurt) from the Second Harvest Food Bank in Orange County (but the explanation sounds good, that SHFB ships expired food to a farmer but that he had just lost his ranch) (but no matter how good the explanation sounds, ewwww).

The Human Condition Today
Britain’s Helen Pretty courageously faced the question that millions of people fear, i.e., if your sibling needed a life-saving bone-marrow transplant for which you were a perfect match but almost no one else is, would you put yourself at risk? (Helen: "Sorry") . . . . . And what is this, News of the Weird or Iron Chef? You’ve got Rosanita Nery dos Santos in Brazil convicted of hacking her husband into small pieces and frying him, and then there’s Surender Koli of India arrested for murder of at least one woman whose parts were disposed of in a cooker, and then, in what Yr Editor can only assume was a Tribute Murder, Timothy Wayne Shepherd was arrested in Houston for allegedly killing an ex-girlfriend and putting her on the grill (though probably not to eat, exactly) . . . . . Andrew Jacobs of Madison Township, Ohio, may live in a trailer, but he’s an electronics wizard, because it wasn’t just the primary bathroom camera he had set up, but, said a police sergeant, "[H]e had the whole trailer rigged."

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
We don’t have the whole story yet, but it says here that Bobby Crawford Jr. of Plano, Tex., had his rhesus macaque monkey ("Darwin") confiscated by the gov’t (because those things are vicious), but that he is so fond of his little fella that he’s been to see him several times, and he’s agreed to move out of town just to get him back. But according to Animal Services, Crawford left a box of Darwin’s toys to keep him company in lockup, and one item was an audio tape player, on one of whose messages Crawford "made references to Darwin and himself engaging in mutual stimulation" (according to the Star newspaper group of Plano). [UPDATE: The official at Animal Services said, Never mind, that he might have read too much into the message. See NOTW Daily, 3-27-2007.]

A mouse that’s either resourceful or a kleptomaniac (in that Bill Exner thinks the little guy swiped his dentures) . . . . . A Georgia high school sports team hazes a younger player (including giving him a sort of turbo-wedgie), which is not very interesting any more, except that this would be the school’s golf team . . . . . From the Boonville, N.Y., Mercer’s Ice Cream shop come three new flavors: port, zinfandel, and chardonnay (each with 5 percent alcohol).

NOTW, The Blog
2Good2BTrue: (1) Here’s a Chinese guy with neck tumors and apparently no defensiveness about how he looks. Good for him. If he’s a real person. (And even if he’s real, this story may not be in current distribution.) (2) The website of the weekly Dunfermline Press of Scotland looks real, with very real local news stories (and by "real," I mean "mundane," except for this one about Stewart Laidlaw getting permanently banished from Thirsty Kirsty’s bar because he is a notorious fartteur (thus apparently angering smokers who can no longer light up in the bar because, supposedly, the odor of burning tobacco is offensive). Could be true.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.