Monday, March 19, 2007

Monday’s Drip
Talk about an obnoxious seat mate on a long airline flight! / Death row is "the calmest place I’ve ever been" / The real reason why so many female teachers rob the cradle / And the diamond-encrusted toilet paper dispenser

Civilization in Decline
British Airways first-class passenger Paul Trinder (Delhi to England ticket, equivalent of $3,900) thought he had a vacant seat next to him for the 9-hr flight, but a lady died in coach, and became Trinder’s seat mate, and all BA had to say was, hey, "Get over it" . . . . . Apparently-Unforeseen Problem at a museum in Takayama, Japan: Gee, if you display a $1.7m gold bar out in the open for patrons to touch, sooner or later, someone might actually try to steal it . . . . . The head teacher at Bramhall High School in Greater Manchester, England, requires ties for the boys but only clip-ons, because he fears the big buggers can’t handle knotted ties safely.

The Human Condition Today
Kristopher Lind drank 10 beers and a double cocktail but for some reason still somehow thought it was better to tell the cop that the reason his car was weaving was he was trying to open a sex vibrator (and battery it up) while driving . . . . . Revealed! Why so many female school teachers hook up with their male students (key phrase: "28 . . times during . . weeklong affair") . . . . . Death row inmate Paul John Fitzpatrick was re-convicted after a new trial and now requests death row again because the general prison population is too annoying: "It’s just a hell of a lot easier doing time with murderers than it is with fools. . . I probably found the most peace I’ve ever had in my whole life on death row. It’s the calmest place I’ve ever been."

NOTW Lite
A $132k toilet-paper dispenser (well, it comes with 148 diamonds and a roll-a-day of black TP as long as the buyer is still alive and excreting) . . . . . Pigs, being "excellent proxies of human movement [geographical, not bowel]," tell a British researcher that South Pacific settlers originally came from Vietnam, not Taiwan . . . . . Exceptionally bad plastic surgery: bad tummy tuck, missing nipple and belly button, and "gross distortion of the pubic area" . . . . . The Polish mountaintop village of Koniakow, long known for its intricately woven lace doilies, has turned reluctantly to bras and panties to pay the bills.

NOTW, The Blog
My doubting note about toothbrush-swallowing [NOTW Daily, 3-15-2007] brought a sobering note from reader Patton Browne: "I am a medical transcriptionist who does radiology reports, and in the past three years I have done at least three or four reports showing a toothbrush stuck in a throat. . . . It really happens." [Yr Editor is still inclined to say, If you swallow a toothbrush, it’s because you want to.]
Here’s another thing floating around the Internet these days but which I can’t use because it’s too old (i.e., weird, but not "news" of the weird): a medical journal article about, uh, "supernumerary breast tissue" being sort of not along the milk line, but, on, uh, the sole of her foot. (Hey, it’s a medical journal.)
Erroror: In the current NOTW column, St. Clairsville, W.Va., is really St. Clairsville, Ohio (one of those close-to-the-border towns that a West Virginia newspaper covers as local) (and which a surprisingly large number of NOTW readers know about!).
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.