Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Wednesday’s Drip
The voodoo limbo tango and wango dance / The sewage tsunami / 93 pounds of stolen underwear / The return of the humuhumunukunukuapuaa / And a Correction to this week’s News of the Weird column

Civilization in Decline
Britain’s Court of Appeal agreed with a convicted rapist that just because the woman was totally shirt-faced doesn’t mean she couldn’t possibly have given consent . . . . . A gay black man taunted a bigoted Army recruiter (herself an American Indian), and the result is some way-over-the-top e-mails, like, "Go back to Africa and do your gay voodoo limbo tango and wango dance and jump around and prance and run all over the place half naked there" (except of course it was all in caps) . . . . . Oops, sloppiness by federal prosecutors [Ed.: Hey, fire this U.S. Attorney!] results in the feds not being able to touch the $100m that a tax-fraud guy is accused of hiding (even though he is going to prison for 9 yrs) . . . . . Despite United Nations warnings since 2004 that a sewage facility in Umm al-Nasr, Gaza, was dangerously overpooped, nothing was done, until this weekend, when the whole thing collapsed and flooded the village like a tidal wave, killing four.

The Human Condition Today
War is hell: A New York Times Editor’s Note on Sunday sorta apologized for running intact Navy construction worker Amorita Randall’s rendition of being blown up in a Humvee in Iraq, because when it finally got around to fact-checking, it turns out she was never in Iraq. The Times reporter had been mighty impressed with her story, though, causing the editors to declare: "Based on the information that came to light after the article was printed, it is now clear that Ms. Randall did not serve in Iraq, but may have become convinced she did. Since the article appeared, Ms. Randall herself has questioned another member of her unit, who told Ms. Randall that she was not deployed to Iraq."
Classic Santa Cruz, Calif.: A guy is videotaping coeds’ feet in a library at Univ. of Calif. Santa Cruz, and one nonjudgmental woman comes to his defense: "[No] need to jump to conclusions. Maybe he was doing research" . . . . . The Pi Kappa Alpha boys at Univ. of Michigan suffered the indignity of having a young woman walk into their house, strip, sit down on the sofa, and diddle herself for, oh, a half hour, and the boys were all perfect gentlemen . . . . . Quoc Pham filed a $1 million lawsuit in NY against his Bulgarian ex-girlfriend, claiming she just used him as a sperm donor and had subsequently moved on to another lad who "could make her cervix orgasmic just by thinking," Quoc said . . . . . Probably lots of F-State judges pack sidearms, but this guy actually whipped his out in the courtroom . . . . . At the Apex, N.C., town cemetery, when several dozen sheep were found grazing on flowers, everyone knew where they came from: David Watts’s house, where they live on the first floor and he on the second.

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Garth Flaherty, 24, was arrested in Pullman, Wash., allegedly in possession of 93 pounds of stolen underwear, but there’s good news for Garth (despite his having blurted out that he has a "problem"): It’s going to be really hard to find owners willing to come forward and, with authority, identify their particular undies. [Bonus: photo of police layout of some items]
And Joseph Curtis, 64, a social worker in Ottumwa, Iowa, gave up his license as part of a settlement over his possession of child porn (boys) and his doing "inappropriate" things with his dog.

A witness to a murder in Somerset, England, splits the difference between snitching and silence—by leaving the police clues in poetry . . . . . Apparently, many Hawaiians were bent out of shape to learn that, because of the peculiarities of a statute, when the legislature designated the humuhumunukunukuapuaa as the state fish a few yrs ago, the designation was to last only 5 yrs, and thus, they have to again go through the rigorous, backbreaking process of picking a fish . . . . . Israel’s pro-marijuana organization says you’ve got to get all your dope out of the house for Passover (seriously), except for Sephardic Jews, for whom dope is OK (but still illegal, of course).

NOTW, The Blog
Erroror: In this week’s NOTW, Yr Editor reported that Gary Galleberg, a former vice mayor of Naples, Fla., had pleaded guilty to battery for spitting on a restaurant diner’s table. In fact, he pleaded no-contest. I apologize for the error. This Correction will appear in the News of the Weird column that is published April 8, 2007.
A story ran yesterday out of Calvert, Md., about Toby the golden retriever’s performing the Heimlich maneuver on his owner, saving her. Originally in the weekly Cecil Whig newspaper (Cecil County, Md.), it has now officially been reported around the world as real by the Associated Press, and it is one of those stories that ticks Yr Editor off, in that there is no reliable evidence that Toby did any such thing. If he’s a wonder dog, we have to accept the word of the owner, and not even that—accept her belief that Toby was doing anything except momentarily, excitedly jumping up and down on the woman’s chest, in imitation of having just seen her pound her own chest.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.