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When a Catholic Cardinal spins, is it a sin? / Naomi Campbell, the fashionable urban janitor / There are Jews in Montana? / And what he did with the toilet brush was not specified
Civilization in Decline
Court papers released in the Los Angeles Archdiocese molestation cases yesterday raise an interesting question for Yr Editor: Which would you think would (if the world worked as it should) be more credible: a Catholic Cardinal or a Catholic Cardinal’s, uh, lawyer? At a time when the molestee-plaintiff families need straight talk, it’s the lawyer spinning all the partial-truth spins and ignore-that/emphasize-this spins for Cardinal Mahony. And the released papers show that Mahony himself might have, er, born false witness about the Archdiocese’s knowledge of the wayward priest Lynn Caffoe and continued to stonewall on that false witness for about 4 yrs afterward, even going to the U.S. Supremes to get them to allow him to keep stonewalling.
GAO revealed that "thousands" of doctors and health professionals continue to be routinely reimbursed by Medicare despite their being a combined $1.3B delinquent in paying their federal income and payroll taxes (i.e., tax on money they’ve already had in their pockets) . . . . . Another one of those $25k/each gourmet dinners like the one in Bangkok [NOTW 996, 3-11-2007], this one scheduled for 12-12-2008 in Egypt in front of the Pyramids of Giza, but smarting from criticism of the earlier one, the organizer’s trying to ticket it at under $10k . . . . . A NY Times investigation of the Shriners showed their reputation as a charity is way overblown: most fund-raising goes to partying; 2 percent of its hospitals’ operating expenses come from current donations; there’s much outright fraud or at least unaccounted-for bookkeeping . . . . . Your latest Gospel of Affluence success story: Pastor Ben Gibert and his old lady/pastor Charisse, who just moved into a $3.65m mansion in a swanky Detroit ‘burb (The Detroit News found a few people who were onto them, but apparently most people aren’t!)
The Human Condition Today
Naomi Campbell showed up for her community-service sentence at the city Sanitation Dept. in NY, wearing stilettos, which one can only assume were for stabbing paper on the grass, to drop into the trash bag . . . . . Too many Jews in New York for Hasidic rabbi Chaim Bruk so he grabbed his non-cowboy hat and moved where his services were needed: Bozeman, Montana! (1,500 in the state) . . . . . Car-buyer rage: When he didn’t get the asked-for $7k for his broken-down trade-in, he grabbed a pry bar, a sledgehammer, and a sword and tried to commandeer the new car, anyway.
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Ottawa shrink Juan Ernesto Tejeda Rosario gave up his license (and still faces criminal charges) after allegations that he diddled two male patients (and extended the foreplay to include a whip, a rope on the genitals, and a, uh, toilet brush).
The power of the press: A newspaper carrier survives a bad wreck because the stack of papers in the front seat acted as a buffer . . . . . Chinese villagers get fed up with this good-gov’t thing and demand a return to the system of bribing the voters . . . . . He served 18 yrs for a rape he didn’t commit, was paid $400k by the state in guilt money, and now has just blown that wad on his defense for a subsequent murder (result: didn’t help).
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.