(being another abbreviated version, and by the way, owing to the press of other business, News of the Weird Daily will not be updated on April 2 and 3 but will resume regular daily posting on Wednesday, April 4, though Yr Editor will remain alert and industrious during the off-days)
Civilization in Decline
Cheap Headline: "3 Men Get $45k Payout for Sleeping Near Feces" (being the settlement of the November lawsuit on behalf of the homeless men against Las Vegas for arresting them for violating an already-rescinded city ordinance designed to get them off the beautiful Las Vegas streets by barring them from sleeping within 200 ft of where they poop) . . . . . Speaking of No. 2: Novartis said it will comply with an FDA request and take Zelnorm off the market, to the chagrin of many of the 12 million sufferers of Irritable Bowel Syndrome (because of a higher risk of cardiac side-effects, which of course, in America, each IBS sufferer should be allowed to decide about individually but now can’t because a few of those who go on to make bad choices will sue the socks off Novartis) . . . . . Speaking of Lawsuits: Turns out now that those raucous imams at the Minneapolis airport in November (whose demeanor petrified some of the passengers) will sue the airport, and U.S. Airways—and, conceivably, any passenger who complained about them (for slander).
The Human Condition Today
Charles McComas, 46, thought he could drive a meth lab on wheels (plus an arsenal, plus dope, while wanted on a probation-violation warrant) around Florida and not get stopped for that bad license plate on his trailer [Ed.: The F State does traffic stops really, really well; it’s that Miranda stuff they often have trouble with.]
"When departing your Budget Rent-a-Car, be sure to take all personal belongings with you," including your snake.
The 200-lb. chocolate Jesus mentioned yesterday as of now has no home because its NYC gallery caved in to Catholic protests.
NOTW, The Blog
So, this is Yr Daddy telling you to be careful out there tomorrow for fake news stories, though fake news is so trendy these days that it’d take a masterpiece to fool NOTW readers. The greater problem remains: Rather than too many people believing fake news, too many people will disbelieve real news.
The Top 100 April Fool’s Day Hoaxes of All Time [MuseumofHoaxes.com]
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.