Saturday, March 10, 2007

Saturday’s Drip
It must be important to put human genes into rice / Uranium for sale at a Florida pawn shop / The $50,000 mattress / Man bangs cars? / And the parliamentary campaigner appealing to the Klingon community.

Civilization in Decline
"The U.S. Dept. of Agriculture has granted preliminary approval for a plan to grow genetically altered rice containing human genes that could lead to the production of medicines to fight diarrhea dehydration in infants." [from Food Business Review] But, but, but, things could go wrong, like the genes could get mixed up with other food crops out there in the Kansas winds.
The full-service Gold Mine Pawn shop in Belleview, Fla. (near Ocala) had, on the shelf, an official lead canister of uranium yellowcake (1 oz.) [LINK CORRECTED].
You mean like, Abramoff Cigarettes?: A Chinese pharmaceutical company applied (unsuccessfully) to name a rat poison after a former gov’t official under investigation for massive corruption.

The Human Condition Today
A German man who was formerly madly in love with the woman who co-owns his marital summer house now is so angry at her that he took a chainsaw to it and hauled away his half . . . . . Life imitates art imitating life: A pre-trial bailee (child-sex) illegally removed his ankle monitor so he could be on Jerry Springer to proudly proclaim his marriage to his half-sister . . . . . A high Opus Dei official acknowledges that he sometimes wears a cilice, which is now a spiked chain wrapped around his legs, to bring the pain when he needs to focus . . . . . For the consumer who for some reason really, really, really wants a good night’s sleep, a mattress that’ll run you $49,500 (until April, when it goes to $59, 750).

Your Daily Loser
The weekly Lisa Marie Nowak Forlorn Mugshot award goes to Ms. Melanie Kay Montoya of Colorado, charged with robbing an elderly mute man.

NOTW Lite
Researchers are on the job: (1) Cuckoos and cowbirds first trick other birds into hatching their eggs, and if there's any objection to that, somebody’s gonna get messed up, (2) Human genital lice originally came from [uh-oh] gorillas . . . . . No Longer Weird, but—this burglar accidentally dropped probation papers at the scene . . . . . A cheerful appeal by a Finnish member of Parliament, Jyrki Kasvi, by posting a parallel campaign website in Klingon . . . . . A stolen, $25k diamond was recovered from a jailhouse shower drain, perhaps dropped there by the perp, or perhaps it just fell out during shower room sex.

NOTW, The Blog
Beware: London’s The Sun does a full takeout on an auto mechanic they say is Chris Richard, 38, who enjoys (1) having sexual intercourse with cars (e.g., in the tailpipe) and (2) calling attention to himself by posing for The Sun. It’s pretty thorough story-telling, but lacks any bona fides that reputable reporters and editors would have included, such as an interview with anyone who could corroborate "Richard"’s story, or interviews with his customers or co-workers (like, y’know, ever see semen on his cars?). A UK site that’s pretty explicitly satirical (Anorak.co.uk) also ran a piece on "Chris Richard." Anyway, Yr Editor is much too busy to get to the bottom of this, but don’t go around assuming that just because men will nail anything, that they’ll actually nail anything, and surely don’t assume that just because men will brag about anything, that they’ll actually brag about anything.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.