Saturday, March 24, 2007

Saturday’s Drip
Official policy for illegal aliens is 5 free arrests / Seattle’s articulate (yet chronic) public masturbator / The Kentucky lawyers busy re-defining "greedy" / And someone has a job that pays $1

Civilization in Decline
Found in the Justice Dept’s document dump this week in Gonzalezgate: guidelines on when to prosecute illegals caught in the Southwest (and the answer is, not before their 6th arrest) . . . . . A genuine Internet suicide in England, with the guy checking in to an insult chat room on his webcam, absorbing dozens of dares and catcalls, and then finally yielding to the wisdom of the crowd and permanently logging out . . . . . An Australian appeals court ruled, as a matter of law, that if a woman consents to fellatio, she has consented to the whole schmeer.

The Human Condition Today
Say hello to William Gallion, Shirley Cunningham Jr., and Melbourne Mills Jr., of Kentucky, who might be the only three personal-injury lawyers in the country who don’t think there’s enough money to be made the old-fashioned way from phen-fen lawsuits . . . . . UFO’s in the News: (1) Former Arizona Gov. Fife Symington, who lampooned a 1997 UFO incident in Phoenix that occurred during his term, told an interviewer that, well, it might have been real; (2) France’s space agency uploaded 1,600 UFO incident reports (supposedly everything it has from the last 50 yrs*), and said almost 400 are, er, not yet explained. [* or was it everything? . . they always say that . .] . . . . . From Seattle Weekly: "No matter how dismal the future of print media may look, what with the ascension of the all-powerful Internet, it’s comforting to know that newspapers will always have at least one loyal demographic: bus masturbators" [Ed. like, on their lap, get it?] [Anyhow, that was the Weekly’s lede sentence of a report on Michael Williamson, an articulate member of what he says is the Seattle exhibitionist underground]

According to a police blotter report, there’s a company in Asheville, N.C., with an employee who made $1 [scroll down] . . . . . A chain of cut-rate brothels in southern California apparently tells customers to use Saran Wrap instead of condoms . . . . . Dale "Dale the Innocent" Hausner, jailed as one of the two accused random shooters terrorizing the Phoenix area, drew even more attention to himself by calling up the local East Valley Tribune and asking for a discount subscription (since frightened residents had bought so many newspapers while the two were loose) . . . . . Professional ho' wrangler Matthew Thompkins was sentenced to 23 yrs in prison (He's the owner of two trophies inscribed "Pimp of the Year," which police found when they arrested him in December 2005.)

Yesterday’s update on Ms. Wu Ping, the lone resident holding out against the already-progressing re-development of her block, was trumped by, which has a "Cavalcade of Homeowner Holdouts," with photos galore.
Never Mind: The Honley Church school in England (that had so Muslim-sensitively replaced a play’s three little pigs characters with three little puppies, NOTW Daily, 3-16-2007), changed its mind.

NOTW, The Blog
Yr Editor doesn’t understand that mathematics proof for "Lie group E8" [NOTW Daily, 3-22-2007], and I never, ever will [just like I never, ever will understand what it’s like to have sex with Daryl Hannah], but NOTW Daily reader John Armstrong does, here [er, the math thing; I don’t know about Daryl Hannah].
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.