Thursday, March 15, 2007

Thursday’s Drip
Wrongly imprisoned, and now the warden wants ‘em to repay the meal money / Outsized performers: collector of 3,977 panties and the 13-year-old, 128-felony boy / The unicorn that wasn’t / And Tonya Harding!

"Wrongly imprisoned" means different things to different people. To the three Brits locked up for a total of 47 yrs before police and prosecutors realized they had the wrong men, it means freedom and a daily struggle not to be overcome with bitterness. To the crown, it means, er, nothing, in that, We've been feeding you, You've got to pay us back. A high, high appeals court just ruled that the three must pay the gov’t 25 percent of their prison room-and-board expenses (on the ground that 25 percent represents "necessities" that the men would have incurred, even if they had been free). [CORRECTION: They must pay back 25 percent of the gov't's compensation award to them for the wrongful conviction.]

Civilization in Decline
Prosecutors in Jakarta demand two yrs in the slammer for the publisher of the way-sanitized Indonesian version of Playboy, but 100 Muslim protesters demand a hanging . . . . . This would never happen if the tenant had a lawyer: A nurse-tenant up against her elderly, sickly landlord in court stops mid-speech to give mouth-to-mouth when the landlord falls down gasping . . . . . The continued Minneapolis accommodation to Muslims: Bacon purchasers go self-serve when a Target checkout cashier declines to touch it . . . . . . . . . . The Army Corps of Engineers admits that it gave N’Awlins residents a placebo last yr and that those poor, weary suckers fell for it (helped out by a light hurricane season): The 34 new, shiny, heavy-duty pumps ACE installed to meet a 6-1-2006 deadline, in case of another Katrina, actually didn’t work, and ACE knew they didn’t work.

The Human Condition Today
The prolific, meticulous Mr. Shigeo Kodama, 54, caught in Hiroshima with 3,977 panties and 355 bras . . . . . The Nelsonville, Ohio, child prodigy, age 13, charged (as a juvy) with 128 felonies (burglary, theft, vandalism, witness intimidation).

Your Daily Loser
The severely judgment-challenged Christy Drakeford, 26, a teacher at Evan Harlow Elementary in Harrodsburg, Ky., finally confessed that the two small kids locked in the car that had been parked in the school lot for 7 hours while she taught were hers, meaning day-care had been somehow totally out of the question.

NOTW Lite
Spanish matador Fernando Cruz, gored in (a) a femoral artery and (b) both testicles, plans on being out of action, er, three weeks . . . . . Tonya Harding was escorted by police "back to her trailer" after a prescription-drug event that had her seeing animals, etc., that weren’t there . . . . . A whorehouse in Cologne, Germany, introduced an early-bird special (half-price), for men 66-and-older to enjoy an "[after]nooner."

NOTW, The Blog
Someone else swallowed a toothbrush, supposedly, although at least this wasn’t somebody just brushing too deep, as the classics go (a couple of which Yr Editor has posted over the years) (and which Yr Editor has always regarded as among the weirrrrdest genres of 'em all). This was a Hong Kong gal running-while-brushing, tripping, and ramming her throat over the thing.
For a while yesterday, it looked like a DUI driver in Montana was claiming that a unicorn, not he, was driving his car. But then the Billings prosecutor calmed everyone down, saying that some in his office refer to implausible denials in cases like that as the "unicorn defense" and that the perp didn’t actually specify "unicorn." In Yr Editor’s Washington, D.C., criminal-defense experience, it wasn’t a unicorn but "a guy from Cleveland," and that drugs "floated down from the sky" (because my client swears he has no idea how they got in his pocket).
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.