Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Tuesday’s Drip
Return of segregated rest rooms / 600,000 foreign fugitives on the loose in the U.S. / Smuggling crocs in to Gaza / And yesterday’s spanking-the-monkey story was way-exaggerated

Civilization in Decline
Toronto’s Globe & Mail reveals that Afhani locals are relegated to separate toilets at the NATO base in Kandahar, because, said some Westerners, many of them do hygiene-challenging things like squat on the toilet seats . . . . . Foreigners who have been court-ordered out of the U.S. are (after 9-11) hunted down by 52 teams, but Homeland Security said they’re still behind by, er, 600,000 fugitives . . . . . The police in Gillette, Wyo., are ticked that they lost a jury trial of the owner of a head shop so they’ve gotten a judicial seizure order to keep the bongs as contraband (which is technically not "double jeopardy," in that the perp now is not the owner but the bongs, themselves) . . . . . What to do if your state’s mandatory school testing shows 85 percent success on reading/writing but around 55 percent on math/science? Washington state’s solution: stop testing math and science. [Well, officially, it is substituting end-of-course tests in math and science, meaning to Yr Editor that it finds no merit in learning whether students retain even one byte of information for even one month.]

The Human Condition Today
Jeremy Steinke goes on trial this week in Calgary, accused of murdering a peaceful middle-class family of three, with help from his jailbait girlfriend (she was 12 at the time; he was about 300, in that he has pointed out all along that he is a werewolf) . . . . . Elaine Larabie of Ottawa and her terrier Missy both came down with vomiting and mouth-foaming, and doctors think it’s because they ate tainted dog food (she, to show Missy that it was OK to eat).

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
It’s No Longer Weird, this gentleman in his 60's with 250 mice and 300 pigeons in an 800-sq-ft apartment, but he had carefully preserved his porn stash in plastic to protect it from the "elements."

Yr Editor has informed you previously that they were making paper out of elephant dung in Thailand, and now here’s the Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Base in China using, er, similar technology . . . . . Alert Egyptian border guards catch a woman about to enter Gaza with three crocodiles taped to her chest.

Yesterday’s monkey-spanking was, it turns out, too good to be true, in that the official who characterized the audio tape as describing "mutual stimulation" between Bobby Crawford Jr. and his rhesus macaque, Darwin, as much as admitted that he might have been reading too much into it. (In fact, the 30-yr veteran is afraid he’ll be fired over the blunder.) On the other hand, the message might have been hard to interpret, in that Crawford admits that he was probably crying when he jabbered the "baby talk" to Darwin.

NOTW, The Blog
A successful same-sex marriage in Milwaukee, owing to the fact that the taller of the two ladies still has his original-issue parts, but Yr Editor mentions it here for the stimulating TV photos of said taller partner.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.