Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Yr Editor mentioned last month that Gov. Schwarzenegger wants to save money by outsourcing the housing of inmates but that the California prison guards’ union won’t stand for any reduction in the (severely-overcrowded) lockups [NOTW Daily, 2-22-2007]. Now comes a promotional video from the Corrections Corp. of America, which runs a cool Big House in Tennessee and is itching to buy some of California’s miscreants: "larger and cleaner" cells; 79-channel cable TV (including ESPN!); "views of peaceful cow pastures"; "inmates in the ‘Dorm of the Week’ staying up all night, watching a movie and eating cheeseburgers or pizza." Most important (to an inmate): The few Californians who have already made the switch recommend it highly, with one saying they are treated, well, "I wouldn’t say equal, but you feel like a human being in here."

Quite a lede hook from CanadaWest News Service, writing on new marketing opportunities for environmental types: "For those who like to make love to the soundtrack of the global warming documentary, An Inconvenient Truth . . .."

Some people in Iceland will next month stage a beauty contest for ugly people. Wait, that’s not quite right. Fabulous babes theoretically could enter, but there’ll be a lot of mediocrity because the organizers are trying to get the world to look at "beauty" differently. [Er, Webster’s says "beauty" is "the quality . . . that gives intense aesthetic pleasure . . . to the mind or the senses," so there’s a distinct possibility that every single contestant will lose.]

The Human Condition Today
An Iraqi national was detained at LAX by some of those overreacting Transportation Security people, I mean, just because he had a magnet in his butt with wires coming out of it [Dangerous? No. Hopelessly gullible, buying into the "therapeutic" value of magnets? Yeah, he’s lost, totally toast, might as well ship him to Gitmo] . . . . . According to the victim, her husband (age 21) stabbed her numerous times, then handed the knife to their kid (age 2) and said, Now, you stab mommy.

Civilization in Decline
An anthropologists’ ass’n says we should be ashamed of ourselves, referring to "primitive" and "Stone Age" people, because that’s offensive! The gekko should be pleased . . . . . A pissing match erupted in the press over whether Spain (which enjoys the traditional "quail-catapulting") is a worse animal-abuser than Germany (the traditional "tomcat-poking" and "goose-clubbing") [and the "sports" are just what you’d imagine, except in the last one, they now pre-kill the goose] . . . . . John Jay High School in a New York City suburb staged a reading of The Vagina Monologues except that the kids weren’t allowed to say "vagina" (but nonetheless the school board president said they do not tolerate censorship, of course, of course!) [The episode perfectly illustrates an important thesis of author Ensler, that society is messed up if you can’t even say, not the street version, but the formally correct word] . . . . . The French Constitutional Council approved a law to bar photographing of violence except by pro journalists (Bonus: Last Saturday was the 16th anniversary of the Rodney King massa-cree).

Your Daily Loser
They’re looking for a "heavy-frame" blonde who tried to shoplift a catfish dinner from Di’s Diner in Bulls Gap, Tenn., even though she threw money at the cash register when caught and then as a coup de grĂ¢ce, flung the actual catfish and hit the employee Tina in back of the head.

NOTW Daily mentioned a month ago [2-3-2007] that some American Indians were helping out the Border Patrol in reading trails, etc., of illegal immigrants, and this morning’s New York Times is all over that story . . . . . And Yr Editor was fascinated with "financial astrologer" Arch Crawford last week [NOTW Daily, 3-2-2007], but, as you can imagine, calling stocks by the stars is de rigueur in India, what with the current "Saturn-Uranus combination" and all.

In Bridgeport [CORRECTION: New Britain], Conn., a urine-buyback program for 6th-graders! . . . . . A probable drug runner (43 lbs. of dope in his trunk), DUI, accidentally rammed a state trooper . . . . . A hardy 18-yr-old was victim of a street assault but managed to drive all the way home to safety, with a screwdriver stuck in his face.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.