Friday, April 06, 2007

Friday’s Drip: Ford may have to fire even more workers to cover its CEO’s paycheck / Japanese naval officers too lazy to create separate computer folders for porn and military secrets / The town that forgot to vote / And an ultra-deluxe marijuana grow facility

Civilization in Decline
Ford Motor Company lost a record $12.7 billion last yr and plans to cut 30,000 workers this yr, but, thank God, they found the money to pay CEO Alan Mulally $28 million for the one-third of a year he worked in 2006. (Ford’s response, as usual: We have to pay our CEO the big bucks, to prove to our competitors and our suppliers and our lenders that our guy’s dick is as big as their guys’ dicks.) . . . . . Florida is in the forefront of states that try to keep their sex offenders wa-a-a-a-y away from where kids might be, but that limits housing to just, well, like under this bridge on a causeway in Miami-Dade (and the county’s fine with that).

The Human Condition Today
One place where politics isn’t a demolition sport: Missouri City, Mo. (pop. 300), where all voters completely forgot that Tuesday was election day . . . . . Hate it when that happens: Three Japanese naval officers are in trouble because they apparently accidentally downloaded classified documents from a colleague’s laptop when they only meant to download his porn . . . . . Marilyn Devine, 74, pleaded guilty to robbing a bank near Pittsburgh, Pa. (with reporters describing her sheepish look at her incredulous husband when he asked what happened, with her saying "I don’t know," that she maybe just "flipped out") . . . . . Officially now: It’s improper to stop kids from talking in class by clipping their lips with spring-action clothespins.

Your Daily Loser
Gretna, La., pawnshop manager Dan Reese didn’t get the guy’s name, but it’s the fella who brought his 2-yr-old into the store, picked the AK-47 assault weapon off the shelf, slung it over the kid’s shoulder, and had him prance around the room while daddy promised to buy it for him so he could kill everybody. Reese said he finally snatched the thing back and shooed the pair out of the store.

Awesome! Super-sophisticated marijuana-growing digs, near San Diego (underground, with elevator, 65-ft-long concrete-encased facility) . . . . . Taking April Fool a little too far: A prank ad on Craigslist in Seattle said, hey, go take anything you want from this-here house (with actual address), and it ended badly for the homeowner.

In case you missed it in Yr Editor’s first report on unhygienic British dentist Alan Hutchinson [NOTW Daily, 3-23-2007], the case against him also included peeing in the surgery sink. (He was officially tossed from the profession this week.)
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.