Monday, April 30, 2007

Monday’s 5-Star Special
Here’s what we know: Ronnie Turner, 44, has been arrested in Elkton, Ky., and charged with placing quarter-ounce bags of marijuana on as many as 47 car windshields at three churches, with notes attached referring to "Native American rights" and "peace poles." We also know (said Turner) that God told him to do it. What we don’t know: what God had in mind.

Civilization in Decline
Sony used the standard big-corporation defense when its promotional magazine, touting the God Of War II game for PS2, staged a stunt featuring a decapitated goat, with party guests reaching inside its still-warm carcass to pull out and eat offal (substituting for intestines) ("standard defense": "It has come to our attention that" and now that we know about it, we are, of course, appalled) . . . . . A Univ. of Florida professor denounced pesticide runoffs into the state’s lakes and rivers by invoking the prospect of . . tranny gators! . . . . The free market works (in some places, like in California): If you’re ordered to jail for certain minor offenses, several cities’ lockups will let you book a comfortable cell for $75 to $127 a day . . . . . The Senate Finance Committee found that nearly 1 in 10 employees of the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights owes back federal taxes, by far the worst compliance rate for federal agencies.

The Human Condition Today
Can’t Possibly Be True: A former St. Louis charity matron, age 60, will serve 37 months for possessing child porn . . . . . A letter carrier for a rural route in northwest Indiana is in critical condition after being creamed by a semi, owing perhaps to the unwritten but standard operating procedure that carriers who use their own cars should drive while seated on the passenger side . . . . . London’s Guardian has an interview with a deaf, punk, female Muslim playwright, one of many near-nihilists influenced by the over-the-top novel The Taqwacores about a punk Muslim subculture.

Your Daily Loser
An unidentified man tried to rob a Subway sandwich shop in Champaign, Ill., on Thursday night, but despite two demands for money, the employees refused to take him seriously, and according to a police spokeswoman, he started crying and walked out.

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Daniel Langi was spotted at a girls’ indoor volleyball tournament in Reno, Nev., hiding behind a curtain and engaging in "unspecified lewd behavior," according to the Gazette Journal.

A Belgian open-air restaurant hanging 150-ft high from a crane, with 15-20 diners seated at a table with chef and waiters in the middle [with photos!] . . . . . A Japanese company, using Toyama Univ. research, developed a tiny patch for the paw of a dog or cat to register how much stress it’s under (Seriously) . . . . . In a desolate region of Saudi Arabia, 250 men entered 1,500 camels in a beauty contest ("The nose should be long and droop down, that’s more beautiful"; "The ears should stand back, and the neck should be long. The hump should be high, but slightly to the back") . . . . . Those anorexic-looking Japanese super-eaters who win all the U.S. eating contests: They have abnormally-large stomachs, according to MRIs.

Good Enough for Gov’t Work
A Washington Post investigation of the $854M in cash and oil offered to the U.S. by generous nations during Hurricane Katrina rescue-and-mop-up found that all except $40M was left on the table unclaimed, and that in-kind gifts of drugs from Italy were left to spoil, among other disastrous results. Heckuva-Job Brownie wasn’t personally involved, but apparently he personified a level of general multi-agency incompetence heretofore underappreciated.

Writing-while-Asian high-schooler Allen Lee, whose hardly-vicious creative-writing project Yr Editor linked to [NOTW Daily, 4-28-2007], has now had his previously-made contract to enter to Marine Corps torn up (and since the "criminal" charge pending is only a misdemeanor, it must mean the USMC believes he’s too mean to be a Marine).

Professor Music’s Weird Links
which was to return today, may return tomorrow (if the actual news load gets lighter)

NOTW, The Blog
Yr Editor is going to start listing first contributors of stories used in NOTW Daily, with a couple of conditions: About half of the stuff I refer to I find on my own, and being a one-man show, I just can’t be diverted to remember who sent what that I already have. Second, it’s possible that I might not use something for NOTW Daily but still keep it on hand for the NOTW column (because of my selection criteria, which I’m too bored to set out here). I of course enjoy getting reader news tips, but a story that appears front-and-center on any major news site is surely already known to me.
Newsrangers: Steve Miller, David Oldridge, Michael Ravnitzky, Jason Fleming, Aaron Geiger, and Paul Music.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.