Monday, April 09, 2007

Monday’s Drip
A little bit of Easter news (not even counting the "Testosterone Theology") / The $400 million oil executive who doesn’t work for Exxon / Canisters of child porn / And no free lunches in Wichita

Civilization in Decline
New Zealand’s Labour Dept. ruled that, er, sex workers, being in a service industry, didn’t have to close down for Easter (whereas goods-peddlers did) . . . . . Ray Irani, chair and CEO of Occidental Petroleum, took home more than $400m last yr (but relax: only $2.7m in salary and cash bonus, meaning, er, can’t Yr Editor find some way to create NOTW stock options?) . . . . . Detroit News buried the lede: This note is ostensibly about the Ford Motor Company CEO grabbing President Bush before he disastrously plugs into the wrong thing at a Ford electric-car demonstration, but, seriously, is this car really that dangerous that it’ll blow up if you mis-plug it? . . . . You thought Walter Reed was the end of the agony for veterans? The Washington Post reports that almost 400,000 disability claims are pending (135,000 of them for more than 160 days) . . . . . Easter at Jerusalem’s Church of the Holy Sepulchre was accompanied by the fragrance of, what, gunfire, no, human caca (because the latrines are busted, and the six warring Christian denominations that manage the Church cannot even come together to fix them, and in fact, even if they did agree, the outflow pipe passes underneath the church of a 7th denomination, which has vowed to resist unless it is granted Sepulchre-management status with the first 6) (Seriously) . . . . . Last yr, Thomas Wemberly, 74, walked out of a Wichita, Kan., convenience store without paying for the 2 hot dogs he had because he just forgot that he didn’t pay (a situation which Yr Editor, of advancing age, can sympathize with), and by the time Wichita justice got done with him, he’d been in lockup for 71 days, had bail set at $100k, and caused 12 jurors to miss two days’ work in order to, er, acquit him.

The Human Condition Today
Reclusive high-tech engineer Michael Palmer was arrested in Los Gatos, Calif., accused of hiding his massive cache of child porn in 15 ammo canisters he had buried in Saddam-like spider holes on his property . . . . . They’re cold in Boston: Relatives of serial batterer Michael Hart (a fella just convicted of killing a man and slashing an ex-girlfriend) had this to shout at the woman after Hart was sentenced: "God don’t like ugly" . . . . . About 100 people in a village in Borneo’s Sarawak state are alive today just because Mr. Renjis Empati, 57, had to take a dump in the middle of the night.

Your Daily Loser
Keep your eye on Prof. Albert Parish of Charleston Southern Univ. in South Carolina, because the day after the SEC filed investment fraud charges against him, he checked into a hospital with amnesia. Parish is known around town for his flamboyant suits and flamboyant, million-dollar collection of, er, pens.

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Prominent West Papuan political activist Jacob Rumbiak, whose resumé includes episodes of torture by the gov’t, nonetheless has a serious, longstanding public masturbation habit (as Australia just got a 3-fer conviction, with another charge still pending, and he’s got a rap sheet from Japan).

In Daytona Beach, the Church for Men features a boredom-fighting rock band and a basketball-like shot clock to blow the horn on any verbose preacher . . . . . The school system in Mobile, Ala., ended an experiment in which 5th graders graduating to middle school would be instead assigned to be 6th graders at the same elementary school, and officials seemed surprised that the kids weren’t down with that.

This past weekend was that time again in San Pedro Cutud, Philippines, when a few guys who believe they’ve been really, really ba-a-a-a-d this yr agree to have themselves nailed to crosses, like with real nails through their real arms and hands. If you’re new to this phenomenon, here’s the story, but Yr Editor is much too busy to be searching the Internet every year for the choicest photos.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.