Saturday, April 07, 2007

Saturday’s Drip
The judge agrees with defendant that she does look older than 10 / IRS, Dept. of Agriculture still crazy / Fun with stolen mercury / And a French presidential candidate advocates keeping your hands to yourself

Civilization in Decline
The latest rural child-trafficking prices in India: the equivalent of $12-$45 (versus $350 for a good buffalo) . . . . . A Washington Post investigation shows that more than half of the Dept. of Agriculture’s rural-development loan funds (of $70B in 5 yrs) goes to Cape Cod, Martha’s Vineyard, beach towns, fancy suburbs, etc., all because of the way the regs are written (and if the regs say it, you gotta do it) . . . . . Welsh Justice Roderick Evans agreed with defendant Liam Edgecombe: That girl he had sex with sure did look at least 16, even though she was born in 1995, and so he gets a wrist-slap . . . . . There’s apparently a substantial community in Sarajevo still ticked off at the do-good West for helping to tamp down all that ethnic cleansing in the 1990s, because artists have installed a downtown monument of a can of food, to recall that the West stopped self-defense arms shipments during the fighting and instead sent in outdated canned food . . . . . IRS has cut down its missing- laptops problem, down to 490 in the last 3 yrs, and not all of them had unencrypted taxpayer data on them (just almost half) . . . . . The FBI revealed it had spent $225k on the recent excavation of a Michigan farm in its neverending quest to find Jimmy Hoffa’s body . . . . . How to tell when it’s time to close down the Paragon Gardens assisted living facility in Mission Viejo, Calif.: when a dementia patient is discovered with a dead rat lodged in his mouth.

The Human Condition Today
Yr Editor doesn’t know the exact diagnosis here, but I’ve heard that the image of a severed head is especially disturbing to some of the mentally ill, such as this guy, who went nuts at Milwaukee Art Museum when he saw a painting of Goliath’s, carried by David . . . . . Yr Editor also doesn’t know Doug Supernaw’s diagnosis, but the nationally-known country singer was referred for evaluation by a judge after insisting that he has proven time after time that several police agencies are conspiring to kill his career (having already wrecked his baseball career), such as by locking him in that French mental facility in 2002 . . . . . A group of grade-schoolers stole 4 lbs. of mercury from a dentist’s office in Clendenin, W.Va., and caused some panic around town [comment on It actually raised IQ’s] . . . . . The mom and dad of a murdered (unsolved!) Florida girl announced they’re divorcing, and mom said it’s because of dad’s child-porn habit (but police still insist dad’s not a suspect!) . . . . . Paula Webb and her husband may be headed in that direction, too, after he turned her in because he "can’t take the abuse" anymore (Her occupation? well, she’s a dominatrix, with a home studio, downstairs from their kids, 6 and 9) [Bonus: photo, and you will do what she says, maggot!].

Your Daily Loser
A 57-yr-old paraplegic Vietnam-era military veteran was charged with aggravated counts of rape and incest in Shreveport, La., and though the local Times doesn’t get explicit, the newspaper’s message board delves into detail on how it could have happened.

The animal-control director for St. Paul, Minn., thinking ahead about the city’s notorious pigeon problem and next yr’s GOP convention, has a plan: Create a special rooftop mating area and then steal all the pigeons’ eggs! [Ed.: which, because the scheme helps Republicans, it will get a pass from the pro-life people] . . . . . [And in other pro-life news] A close-to-major presidential candidate in France, Jean-Marie Le Pen, said he opposed school condom distribution and that kids should maybe be taught "manu militari."

That bikini’d Ohio fireman [NOTW Daily, 4-5-2007] has now been well-covered by and by, whose re-writer somehow managed, awesomely, to sneak in the word "embonpoint" . . . . . And Catherine Donkers finally won her appeal of a conviction on a charge of, er, breast-feeding while driving [NOTW 805, 7-13-2003]. [Backstory: Her husband immediately had intervened in her case back then, ordering that the charge be transferred to him because his First Christian Fellowship for Eternal Sovereignty church teaches that the husband must take responsibility for all of his wife’s public actions, especially when the problem concerns "the Beast," which is defined by the church as, uh, the gub’mint. Now, Yr Editor has sort of lost track of this, but I promise to investigate.]
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.