Slavery, segregated proms, and the n-word, and Imus wasn’t involved / Chefs who go nuts / A new Terri Schiavo on deck / And men in vulnerable positions on weight-training machines
Civilization in Decline
Imus-ization of the News: (1) A Minnesota county board member says he didn’t literally mean that he’d vote for slavery if his constituents demanded it (but was just making a "democracy" point, on low blood-sugar) and (2) both the store and the distributor in Ontario said they’d never noticed that the chocolate-colored sofa set they’d been selling (made in Ghangzhou, China) was prominently labeled as the color "[N-word] Brown" [link from ObscureStore.com] . . . . . But on the other hand, Turner County High School in Ashburn, Ga., announced they’d have a joint prom (blacks and whites) this year for the first time . . . . . A 1999 Texas law (signed by the loudly pro-life then-governor) seems positively un-fundamentalist, in that it allows hospitals to pull the plug on medically futile cases after 10 days’ notice to the family, and Austin mom Catarina Gonzales doesn’t like that one bit . . . . . What a coincidence that the chief financial officer of the lead-petfood-recall company in Canada just happened to sell half his shares on the day that calls about sick cats began to arrive at the company (and he’s $35,000 [Cdn] richer today because of that) . . . . . And Clinton Zimmerman said it was just a coincidence that the "employee" he suspected of breaking things at his Maine bed and breakfast was somehow likelier to strike at a guest bathroom than other places (and that’s why he had the secret camera trained on it).
The Human Condition Today
A smoking-averse man was arrested in Stonehaven, Scotland, for spraying a smoker with deodorant and trying to wash her face with his saliva . . . . . Hotshot Minneapolis chef Landon Schoenefeld was fired after going nuts on a diner who wanted his salad dressing on the side.
Yes, a leg-extension machine in a gym can malfunction and send an iron bar back between your legs at warp speed (and yes, when that happens to a guy, he will be permanently bowlegged) . . . . . They have car thieves in Myanmar, too, but there they might do it primarily to siphon out the gasoline (which is tightly-rationed).
The White House and Ford Motor Company now say that spectacular near-miss by President Bush (plugging into the fuel supply of the electric car) [NOTW Daily, 4-9-2007] didn’t happen the way the Ford CEO told it. [Ed.: But, still, is plugging into the fuel supply a possibility? That could make Ford’s legal dept. forget all about the Pinto.]
NOTW, The Blog
[CORRECTIONS: This paragraph originally made several confusing and erroneous references to "anti-bacterials" and has now been flushed of them, so to speak.] BoingBoing.net posted an old piece yesterday that Yr Editor never got around to posting in 2003, when he heard about it (because I have time limits, in that "News" of the Weird should contain "news" and not just "anything I happen to think of"). Dr. Johannes Aas (at the time in Minneapolis, and maybe still there), publishing in the journal Clinical Infectious Diseases, described a breakthrough for worst-case diarrhea and colitis (when naturally-occurring digestive flora don't work in destroying bacteria, and supplements don’t work, either). According to Dr. Aas and team, what you do is take some caca from someone of the same environment (which would have natural flora similar to what the patient is supposed to have) and transplant it. A husband, for instance, would get a turd transplant from his wife, allowing her natural flora to work, starting in his own barren stomach. Thought you’d want to know. The journal article is still online. (And no, Dr. Aas is prominent enough that the article is not a prank by a doctor with a pseudonym suggesting "ass.") (Yr Editor thinks of these things so that you don’t have to.)
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.