Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Wednesday’s 5-Star Special
Police in Neenah, Wis., want to find the guy who masturbated on the library patron two weeks ago, but the progressive state law says that a library’s surveillance tapes are confidential ('cause people might see what you’re reading!). Police can try to get a court order releasing the tape, but it’s possible that the criminal act here is not a felony or misdemeanor but a simple ordinance violation, which would not authorize a court order. So, for now, even though they've got a video, they’ll have to draw a police sketch of the guy.

Civilization in Decline
The city council in Galway, Ireland, after listening to a citizen’s worst-case complaint, refused to change its 10-minute rule for public toilet kiosks, so the next time, also, that a diarrhea sufferer exceeds the time limit, he’ll have to pull his pants up, step outside, and feed more coins . . . . . Relief for those of you whose neurosurgeon’s nickname is “Shakes”: Now, a robot can have life-or-death control of your surgery . . . . . Post-Imus news: Rutgers Univ., home of sterling student-athletes, finally admits it shouldn’t have signed up that “aggravated sexual assault”-er of a football player (whom it signed despite the victim’s mother’s calling Rutgers “so many times” to stop it, because “parents have a right to know” where they’re sending their daughters) . . . . . Post-Va. Tech news: The day after, a Secret Service officer at the White House shot himself and a colleague by accident, and the night before, a New Jersey parole officer took 3 people down with a single shot, by accident; and the day after, the Univ. of Oklahoma locked down its main campus on report of some guy carrying a suspicious object (ultimately: an umbrella).

The Human Condition Today
Among the female sexual phobias discussed at a conference in Sydney: a woman’s fear that the man will be “swallowed up” during sex . . . . . A Lincoln, Neb., mother, upset that her daughter had just had a bad soccer game, was insufficiently satisfied at the girl’s attitude and thus left her on the side of Interstate 80 . . . . . An Australian couple defended against charges of sexually assaulting the woman’s daughter by pointing out that the husband’s body was regularly taken over by the Egyptian sex god Min and, thus, that those things that happened were beyond his (and her) control (and besides, Min said that sex would cure the girl’s cyst).

Your Daily Loser
Thomas Barlow, 35, was found passed out in a bathroom stall in Fond du Lac, Wis., and when asked for identification, Barlow reached in his pocket and handed the cop his pot pipe, and the officer said to try again, and Barlow pulled out his check book. A while later, of course, he denied ever having seen that pot pipe before.

NOTW, The Blog
Erroror: Purple-suit Scott Panetti, from yesterday, is indeed from Wisconsin, but he’s on death row in Texas . . . . . and the link to the trash-the-house party was incompatible with Blogger software, so I put up an alternative source.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.