Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Wednesday’s 5-Star Special
A political party has formed in northern India, literally, "Association of the Dead," to fight for oppressed dead people, i.e., people who are dead to the gov’t but probably still alive. The problem is that your rivals or enemies will file the paperwork about your death if they think they can get some benefit from it (such as inheriting your land), and then you’ll spend the rest of your life trying to prove that you’re still alive.

Civilization in Decline
From London’s Evening Standard, a supposedly typical SAT-type math question for Chinese high-schoolers, compared to one for British high-schoolers (and bonus points if you even understand the China-test question) . . . . . In Toledo last week, super-intelligent Americans at the minor-league baseball game booed Shin-Soo Choo on general (i.e., Va. Tech) principles . . . . . British health-care (cont’d): If you develop "wet age-related macular degeneration," one of your eyes has to go before treatment is on the house for the other one . . . . . According to Milwaukee Journal Sentinel investigations, Wisconsin DMV, which used to make you wait 3 weeks for license plates, had a new computer system installed (at double the promised price), and now, ta-daaaa, a 7-week wait.

The Human Condition Today
At St. Joseph’s Cemetery in suburban NYC, the caretaker found four small bags in a grave, each containing one smoked fish and photos of people, but missing was any handy explanation of WTH is going on . . . . . At an exotic animal park in the Florida panhandle, a woman was killed when a camel kicked her, and then sat on her . . . . . Awesome: Brit James Light got a suspended sentence for his 7-yr scheme as an employee of a boatmaker in which he smuggled out over £55,000 worth of parts, one by one, to build his own luxury yacht.

Your Daily Loser
Jazrahel King, 29, was arrested in Norwalk, Conn., when he tried to use as a car trade-in the very Jeep that he had heisted from that very dealer several weeks earlier (which still had the temporary plate the dealer had put on it).

Readers’ Choice: Here’s the guy who dropped into a pizza restaurant in central London, jumped up on a table, and administered a self-penectomy . . . . . And here’s the guy who apparently (it was from Germany’s Bild) camped overnight in the warm ATM vestibule at a bank in Wiesenburg, and brought his horse in with him [bonus: photo].

In NOTW Daily [3-8-2007] (and in the next News of the Weird column, debuting 4-29-2007), readers learned (will learn) about Jose de Jesus Miranda, the 666-tattooed self-described "second coming" antichrist who has built a nice following in the Americas based on rejection of the concept of sin. However, 3 countries so far have barred him based on his severe anti-Catholicism, including Guatemala, where he was scheduled to preach last Friday (which, notwithstanding the good press that "December 25" gets, is his b-day). Well, he chickened out, in favor of teleconferencing in his holy message . . . . . And FYI, Yale chickened out of its toy-weapons-only policy in theater plays [NOTW Daily, 4-23-2007] (to a case-by-case evaluation), and one of yesterday’s plywood fliers in Texas, er, died of his injuries.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
If you expect to have people worship you after your death, and a mere photograph insufficiently suggests your greatness, there is, really, only one place to go on planet Earth for your mummification: Summum, in Salt Lake City.

NOTW, The Blog
Cute item from the current Sports Illustrated (not online, I don’t think): In 1954, Kurt Vonnegut sought an entry-level writing job at SI, though he knew nothing about any sport, and was assigned to write a caption about a horse that jumped the rail at Aqueduct race track. He pondered and pondered, then wrote one line and walked out the door, forever. The line: "The horse jumped over the f[- - - ]ing fence."
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is ©2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.