Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Wednesday’s Drip
Californians need to be on guard against decrepit 94-yr-olds / Three words: "Iraqi Tourism Board" / India cracks down on bitchy bureaucrats / And, mm-mmm, bacon!

Civilization in Decline
In acts of breathtaking chutzpah, the city of N’awlins and its state have filed claims demanding that the Army Corps of Engineers pay at least $277B for Katrina damage (even though ya don’t have to look very hard at all to find years of cheap, short-term environmental thinking by the city and state that almost assured that a Big One would take it down) . . . . . Walker-using 94-yr-old John Rodriguez, now in a Calif. prison for 25 yrs on a minimum-16 sentence for 2nd-degree murder (and who hasn’t had a prison act-up in 15 yrs), has seen three governors turn down his board-recommended parole six times, because, well, because . . . . . Tourism in the News: (1) Branch Davidian survivors want to turn the Waco compound site into a spiritual center (please donate $10m, OK?) and (2) There’s actually a fully functional Iraqi tourism board, and allegedly 350,000 made the trek last yr (presumably not counting insurgents) . . . . . India’s Ministry of Personnel, enacting the All-India Services Performance Appraisal Rules 2007, requires that female employees tell how their last menstrual period went (Seriously).

The Human Condition Today
Too Clever By Half: Christopher Carroll walked into the Microtel motel in Kingsport, Tenn., with a handful of money and implied that he had saved the day by chasing down the guy who had just robbed them, only Christopher seemed to have the same pattern of scars on his arm as the robber (even though he had, at least, discarded the stocking he wore over his head) . . . . . The airwaves and newsprint are buzzing here in Weird Central this morning about the 911 supervisor who couldn’t be bothered while a woman was choking to death ("Another one bites the dust"; "I guess she bit off more than she can chew") . . . . . Also in the F State, a school custodian, age 61, is very fond of his custodian colleague, 41, so he adopted her.

Your Daily Loser
Joel Montgomery is a city councilman in Birmingham, Ala., but that doesn’t mean he can’t be found, sitting in a parking lot in the middle of the night, three sheets to the wind, with his face bashed in [Bonus: photo].

NOTW Lite
Not as agile as Heather Mills, Gregory Daniels ran from police after burglarizing a market in Pomona, Calif., but then, his leg fell off . . . . . David Hughes, 39, in northeast Pennsylvania, really, really, really didn’t want to pay more than $10 on a $281 fine . . . . . Charles Warren is in the hospital in a N’awlins suburb after a crash on I-12, in which his motorcycle was hit by an out-of-control bathtub . . . . . Yr Editor always considered academicking to be a relatively prestigious occupation, but a couple dozen times a year, you hear about pursuits like what these British and French scientists did (camping out on the island of Oleron to chart the hoots of 17 territorial male owls to gauge the level of machismo) or like that of these four at Leeds Univ.’s Food Science Dept., who actually tested 700 variations of "bacon sandwich" to produce a recipe for perfection: N = C + [fb (cm) x fb (tc)] + fb (Ts) + fc x ta.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.