Friday, May 11, 2007

Friday’s 5-Star Special
Can’t Possibly Be True: A news organization in Pasadena, Calif., is seeking a full-time beat reporter to cover local gov’t and politics and wants to hire a low-cost journalist . . in India, who, the editor says, can easily conduct all interviews by telephone and who can even cover the city council meetings, which are video’ed over the Internet.

REMINDER: NOTW Daily is posted Mon through Sat by noon, NY time—except this month, when it’s Mon-Wed-Fri only, and Friday by 4 p.m.

Civilization in Decline
A NY Times fashion writer noticed that women’s collarbones have replaced midriffs as the status symbol of fitness: A prominent clavicle means the rest of her is not too fleshy (Bonus: One or more of 7 woman at Framingham (Mass.) State College are suspected of raiding newspaper boxes and confiscating 1,000 copies of the campus paper that featured the 7 at a women’s lacrosse game with the letters of the name of their favorite player on their perhaps-too-fleshy stomachs) [Ed. They're wrong about being too fleshy!] . . . . . PC marches on: A black schoolbus driver in Iowa was fired for uttering the ol’ N word to a black elementary-school kid who was threatening to beat the crap out of her; a state agency reinstated the driver, but that kid’s momma was surely far, far more concerned that her kid had been N-ed (even by a sista) than she was that she was in the process of raising a 10- or 11-yr-old thug . . . . . The Catholic Church sure is a cheap date when it comes to accepting miracles for canonization, with the latest being a 19th century Brazilian who cured 5,000 people (only 2 certified by the Vatican, though) by giving them Tic-Tac-sized pills made of paper inscribed with prayers . . . . . Strife over remodeling at the Strathmore Tower condominium in Baltimore, where the Jewish residents want a special "Sabbath elevator" built (i.e., one that stops automatically on every floor so that observant Jews don’t actually have to "operate" electrical equipment during the Sabbath), but the Gentiles said, Oy, we’re not paying for that.

The Human Condition Today
In Cessnock, Australia, a woman who was trying to keep a neighborhood crematorium from expanding claimed in public testimony that it’s already such a monstrosity that she once saw a ghost rising there, but then a newspaper dared to publish her statement, and now she’s suing because that ghost comment makes her look like a lunatic . . . . . And in death news: A Chicagoland man, 29, perished because he couldn’t resist looking down a cylinder holding fireworks to see why it didn’t explode (and . . yeah . .) . . . . . And a stripper was ordered to jail a year after she was unfortunately present, romping on video with a man, 65, who had a heart attack in the saddle (which is not a crime for her, but it was when she grabbed his drugs and money with the camera rolling) . . . . . And an Oldham, England, man, 54, who was running to catch a bus, ran smack into a lamppost and fell, dead, into the street in front of the bus . . . . . And a Camillus, N.Y., man, 65, fishing out golf balls from a water hazard at Pine Grove Country Club, had a heart attack and drowned.

Your Daily Loser
Brit Russell Cotton, 40, was arrested in Rio de Janeiro and charged with attempted murder, traced down by his careful, 11-step plan he had written out on his computer (e.g., (1) "arrive at his flat at 3:15 p.m" . . . . (9) "break his neck with a monkey wrench"), but the problem was that he had no pre (1), which should have been "work out at the gym for a few weeks beforehand so he can’t overpower me," which is what happened and why Cotton is going down.

NOTW’s favorite sculptor Daniel Edwards (Britney Spears naked, on all fours, squeezing out her kid, onto a rug, NOTW 953, 5-14-2006) came back this week with "The Paris Hilton Autopsy," where she’s nude, reclining, legs open . . and dead (with a godawful view of intestines about to spill out). (Oh, of course he’s gone too far; he always goes too far.)
One of Yr Editor’s great stories of 2004 [NOTW 840, 3-14-2004] was of the sincere, world-class wannabe soul singer "Mingering Mike":
* The New York Times reported in February [2004] on a Washington, D.C., man whose love of usic led him, in the 1960s, to meticulously hand-make and hand-paint facsimilie record album covers of his fantasized music, complete with imagined lyric sheets and liner notes (with some albums" even shrink-wrapped), and, even more incredibly, to hand-make cardboard fascimilies of actual grooved discs to put inside them. "Mingering Mike," whom a reporter and two hobbyists racked down (but who declined to be identified in print) also made real music, on tapes, using his nd friends’ voices to simulate instruments. His 38 imagined "albums" were discovered at a flea market after Mike defaulted on storage-locker fees, and the hobbyists who found them said they ere so exactingly done that a major museum would soon feature them. [New York Times, 2-2-04]
Well, this week, the megacool Xeni Jardin did a 2-part feature on Mike for NPR, which you can read on her posts here and here (with MP3 links to the actual pieces and artwork from Mike’s hand-drawn LP album covers). Mike’s discoverer, Mr. Dori Hadar, has just chronicled the whole thing in Mingering Mike, with an link on the BoingBoing post.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
"A wealth of fun and important information about one of the world’s most important products," as well as "30,000 products at wholesale discount prices"! Somebody’s got to do it. The Toilet Paper Encyclopedia!

Newsrangers: Steve Miller, Jeff Grenier, Emory Kimbrough.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.