Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Tuesday’s 5-Star Special
Judith Dadd’s lawsuit against Mount Hope Church goes to trial this week in Lansing, Mich., for her head injuries when she answered a "call to the altar" in 2001 and was then properly overcome by the Holy Spirit and fell backwards, only to learn that there was no Church catcher. [Ed.: Better than litigation as a solution would be to go to one of those healing ministries, such as that of the Rev. Ernest Angley, to have Ernest smack the evil headache spirit right out of her body, and have her fall into the arms of his well-trained catchers.]

Civilization in Decline
An Austrian judge has refused to appoint a legal guardian for a chimpanzee, thus thrusting Austria against the EU’s "progressive" drift toward human rights for animals . . . . . New Zealand’s Telecom was revealed to have included the word "gay" on its list of words that would cause a company e-mail to be deleted (revealed by a customer, Ms. Gay Hamilton) [bonus: She’s gay] . . . . . A Scottish funeral home director admits that, for years, they’ve used excess cremation ashes (that won't fit in the urn) to kinda salt the sidewalks around the building when they got icy . . . . . Just like old times in the People’s Republic: Li Chaoyang passed away in jail, laden with cuts and bruises after numerous "escape" attempts, and the cause of death: "adult sudden death syndrome."

The Human Condition Today
Donald Bryant was charged in Troy, N.Y., with trying to arrange a hit on the unknown informant who ratted him out on a drug conviction, and it turns out that the "hit man" (i.e., police informant) he was talking to was the same guy who had ratted him out . . . . . Police in Yorktown, Ind., said David Monroe told his wife, Why don’t you sit here by the picture window, maybe to enjoy the sunny day . . and a few minutes later, Monroe rammed his F-150 through the window to try to kill her . . . . . And here’s today's aesthetically-challenged (British) prostitute (courtesy of The Sun).

Your Daily Loser
A man not named in a Winona (Minn.) Daily News report checked in to Community Memorial Hospital, bloody with nine stab wounds after an apparent attack which he said he must have slept through and only noticed when his girlfriend asked him about the blood.

NOTW Lite
Johan Huibers started building his half-sized replica of Noah’s Ark in 2005 in Schagen, Netherlands, as a tribute to creationism, and now that he's finished, he looks prescient, of course, because Al Gore has informed us that the Netherlands will be among the first flood casualties of global warming . . . . . A presentation at the American Physiological Society’s annual meeting called everyone’s attention to the Brazilian wandering spider, whose bite is quite painful, but never mind, because the pain is almost always accompanied (in the male) by an uncomfortable erection (and there’s a lot of Erection Science in the story).

Good Enough for Gov’t Work
Records obtained by the Charlotte Observer found that top executives of North Carolina VA facilities got bonuses in 2004 and 2005, during precisely the time when the hospital in Salisbury and several other clinics were under intense criticism for poor patient care. The amounts weren’t large (by corporate standards), but the Dept. of Veterans Affairs was uninterested in explaining why they were awarded.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
As a way to spend one’s time on Earth, probing the ground with a metal detector seems one of the least useful, but then there must be a subset of those practitioners who take the additional step of actually purchasing a Bill Wyman [the retired Rolling Stone] Signature Metal Detector.

Newsrangers: Emory Kimbrough, Mark Neunder, Joe Littrell, Ginger Katz, Steve Miller.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.