Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Wednesday’s 5-Star Special
An Egyptian scholar, Ezzat Atiya, combing the fine print in the Quran, came up with a way in which an unmarried man and woman actually can be alone with each other. The way to do that, see, is for her to symbolically breastfeed him five times (presumably, in the presence of a male relative of hers). That way, said Ezzat, everyone can be assured that if the man and woman then go off alone, nothing immoral could possibly happen because the Quran says a man could never do bad things with a woman who has breastfed him (presumably meaning his mom, but perhaps the Prophet Mohammad could have been clearer about that). Yes, of course, Ezzat has been suspended from his teaching post.

REMINDER: NOTW Daily is posted Mon through Sat by noon, NY time—except this month, when it’s Mon-Wed-Fri only, and Friday by 4 p.m.

Civilization in Decline ($7.99/month subscription) made the news, dishing on gov’t informants (but only nonviolent cases accepted) . . . . . F State politicians must not have realized yet that their privacy law actually impedes their obsessive efforts to crush-like-bugs the state’s child-sex offenders, i.e., if you rape a kid, but you’re nuts, the state can’t take your DNA to see if you’ve raped any other kids . . . . . The New Jersey legislature is considering allowing pet owners to sue for up to $15K for "loss of companionship" for the wrongful death of a pet, i.e., the state’s pets are no longer just "property" (which is probably outrageous to Washington Redskins’ football player Clinton Portis, who in an unrelated-case interview, considered it ridiculous that dog-fighting should be considered a crime, because, after all, you can do what you want with your property) . . . . . The Alaska Dept. of Fish and Game says it has a really good reason for its proposal to tranquilize several notorious grizzly bears and dye their fur various colors before releasing them, but never mind, because animal sympathizers are certain that bears do feel embarrassment and would be mortified to be purple in the presence of another bear . . . . . Times just get tougher for rape victims in court: In England, a 174-lb. girl "may well have been glad of the attention" the rapists paid her, said one (female) lawyer, and in Australia, the gang-raped young woman was "moaning in pleasure, weren’t you?" asked a lawyer . . . . . Big Day in Pakistan: (1) The female tourism minister resigned after congratulatorily hugging a man in public; (2) A pop singer was hauled into court because a lyric made some girls feel bad; (3) The jig was up for a female-to-male tranny who tried to help a female friend by marrying her, to keep her out of an arranged marriage.

The Human Condition Today
A "traveling bishop" of some stripe or other, who has already served time in the joint for bigamy (it was a misunderstanding of Mormon teachings, he said) is back at it, with 8 proposals on the table . . . . . No sports coach alive has ever experienced his players doing exactly what he taught them, but a New York Little League coach, Leigh Bernstein, is being sued because one of his urchins slid into second incorrectly and hurt himself . . . . . The investigation continues, but preliminarily, police say a man tried to kill his girlfriend by stopping the car, with her inside, in front of an oncoming train but then was killed himself by flying shrapnel . . . . . Rev. Steve Jones, a West Virginia evangelist, got an F-State review of his dentistry ministry road show, where you line up to have Steve banish the evil spirits from your decayed or crooked teeth (or turn that amalgam filling into gold!).

Your Daily Loser
Police in Whitehall, Ohio, went to a motel to arrest a domestic violence suspect, but when they surrounded the place and announced their presence, the next-door occupant, Kenneth Carter (wanted in a shooting, but not by these cops), was arrested scurrying out his back window

An opportunistic Missouri woman hit it twice one day, with identical twin brothers, and got knocked up, and they both DNA-test 99.9 percent likely as the father, but both say it must have been the other guy . . . . . I’ll bet you didn’t know that until last month, you could get married in Montana without ever going there because double stand-in weddings were legal (and no one thought anything of it until an Israeli company contacted the gov’t about setting up a proxy-wedding franchise) . . . . . Something else you probably didn’t know: that high school students (Conifer High, in Colorado) could get away with putting this many drug-oriented pictures and captions in their yearbook . . . . . A news crew from WCVB-TV (Boston), in Vancouver to do a story on how beautiful and livable the city is, had their cameras stolen during a coffee break.

Spring, and love, are in the air for a New York man, 61, who’s looking to get hitched again, but it’s our old pal Arthur Shawcross, serving life for killing 11 women and eating some of them.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Muslim men led astray by Ezzat Atiya’s work (see above) need not feel guilty because it says here in this Wikipedia entry that "adult suckling" (or "erotic lactation") is definitely not a disorder. Completely normal.

Newsrangers: Ginger Katz, Peter Hine, Barbara Ell, Larry Seltzer, Jamie Wilson, Steve Miller, Emory Kimbrough, Harry Farkas, Tom Barker, Mark Neunder, Stefan Palys.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.