Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Wednesday’s 5-Star Special
If you’ve been hanging around the Internet long enough, you’ve seen pretty much everything that could make you queasy, right? So, when the journal Nature puts up another humdrum story about how effective "larval therapy" is (i.e., cleaning wounds that might be resistant to antibiotics, by turning sterilized maggots loose for five days on the open sore), and they illustrate it with a color photo of a swarm of maggots on an infected foot, that’s not going to be a problem for you, right?

REMINDER: NOTW Daily is posted Mon through Sat by noon, NY time—except this month, when it’s Mon-Wed-Fri only, and Friday by 4 p.m.

Civilization in Decline
A federal judge, described as "usually pretty fair," sent a man away (for making 29 porn shots of girls aged 10-12) for 750 yrs [strict registration site] . . . . . A Gaza-made, pure rip-off of Mickey Mouse, named "Farfour," is now on a Hamas TV station proselytizing the young ‘uns, saying, squeakily, "You and I are laying the foundation for a world led by Islamists" . . . . . 51 Texas Aggies were busted for cheating on a class in "business ethics," with 27 let go because the proof wasn’t "irrefutable" and only some of the guilty 24 getting F’s . . . . . Ho-hum: Two journalists were jailed in Azerbaijan for writing something to the effect that Christianity is less violent than Islam, but the real action in the courtroom was when several Muslims tried to kill the journalists (for being so misguided as to think that Islam is more violent) . . . . . An Associated Press inquiry revealed the Pentagon as all fertoutst in 2004 at Canada’s attempt "to spy" by giving U.S. agents Canadian coins that were tech-ed up for eavesdropping (whereas, really, they were regular-issue coins, 30 million of them, merely with a special film topping to prevent the coloring on the coin from rubbing off) . . . . . Murderabilia dealer deluxe: Massachusetts spree shooter Wayne Lo sells his (unspecified, in a Boston Herald story) bodily fluid for $15 and runs his own Internet store from prison (in order, he said, to raise money for the family of a victim).

The Human Condition Today
A man living near Palm Springs, Calif., really, really wants those coupons in his newspaper’s supplement because if he doesn’t get them, boom! . . . . . A man in Shelby County, Tex., was arrested for shooting another, who was kicking the shooter’s car (and the kicker was no one to mess with, since he had previously been arrested for "chewing on his dog") . . . . . In a Salt Lake City suburb, the wife said, Honey, I have a surprise for you, so let me blindfold you—and she proceeded to smack him over and over with a hammer . . . . . A murder-suicide in La Habra, Calif., with a circular saw . . . . . Alcohol Was Involved: A 48-yr-old man in New Britain, Conn., trying to one-up a friend’s dance steps, does a backflip directly onto his head (and is no longer with us) . . . . . Michael Schreiber, 22, suffered two broken legs when, after the vandalism-toppling of gravestones at a Merrillville, Ind., cemetery, a half-ton one fell on his him (and, no, this isn’t the one in Lilburn, Ga., reported in NOTW 994, 2-25-2007) . . . . . In Memphis, a $2M estate up for probate passed uneventfully, except for the deceased’s golden retriever, being fervently sought by the guy’s ex-, and his fiancee, and his divorced mom, and his divorced dad (with the parents winning joint custody to work out) . . . . . The sentence was five yrs-plus for the Chicagoland couple who last yr tried to rob a bank via the drive-thru window (give me the money "or I’ll shoot everyone in the parking lot") (but give them credit for then recognizing the futility of that M.O. and actually going into the lobby for the next 2 heists).

Your Daily Loser
Police in Decatur, Ala., came upon Jorge Tavarez, 21, sitting blissfully in his SUV, which he had just accidentally driven into a river, and, as everyone waited for firefighters to pull Jorge to safety, he pulled out a couple more beers and turned up the stereo (until the water reached the vehicle’s electrical system).

Michelle Duggar of Tontitown, Ark. (with help from her husband), is about to give birth to her 17th child in 19 yrs of procreation, all with names beginning with J, and she didn’t even get around to "Jennifer" until number 17 . . . . . The newspaper industry still retains some vitality: Middle school students collect 13,580 copies to benefit the Humane Society in Gainesville, Ga. (i.e., so the dogs and cats will have something to pee on) (Seriously) . . . . . Reuters visits an 800-yr-old shrine in Kyoto, Japan, whose priests’ specialty is (for about $50) to issue a prayer to make a couple’s break-up go more smoothly . . . . . As those of you in Milwaukee know, if you’d bought a ticket to see the league-leading Brewers in action last night, a doctor would also have stuck his finger up your butt for free (er, "free prostate screening" is how the PR people billed it), along with a voucher for two more tickets for future games.

Florida’s Michael Wiley, with zero arms and one leg (actually, half a leg), who is (a) super bitter at his self-made fate, (b) actually, an outstanding driver [NOTW 972, 9-24-2006], and (c) possessor of no driver’s license, will probably be arrested today after an incident yesterday in which deputies bit his dust in an 8-minute high-speed chase through Port Richey.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Walk around in the word of the Lord, all day long, with quotations from the Scriptures . . . on . . . shoe inserts (reasonably priced).

Newsrangers: Richard Lesser, Emory Kimbrough, Jenny Beatty, Roger Leduc, Gary Moody, Ivan Katz, Eric Appellof, Glen Eichenblatt, Steve Miller, Judith Roitman, Paul Di Filippo, Jon Maxwell, Tom Barker, and I-don’t-know-who-was-first on the Canadian coin story.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.