Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Wednesday’s 5-Star Special
Least Competent Gangs: Police in Kansas City said two gangs were shooting at each other on Sunday night, and their investigation turned up (a) more than 100 bullet casings and (b), er, no casualties.

REMINDER: NOTW Daily is posted Mon through Sat by noon, NY time—except this month, when it’s Mon-Wed-Fri only, and Friday by 4 p.m.

Civilization in Decline
It Almost Worked: To stay off death row, you either (a) let your lawyer argue that your mom’s fetal alcohol syndrome doomed you from the start or (b) prevent him from mentioning that and then appealing the death sentence on the ground that any competent lawyer would have mentioned that, and so Jeffrey Landrigan chose (b) and actually got most 9th Circuit judges and 4 SCOTUS justices to buy it . . . . . There’s a swinging AA chapter in Washington, D.C. (apparently, a one-step program, with the one step being "anything that moves").

The Human Condition Today
Most people never get to experience the rush of getting shot, but here’s Daryl Miller, who got hit twice in 7 days, in his own home . . . . . Another casualty of America’s mania over scrap metal: Damion Mosher was ripping the gunpowder out of bullets (using a vise and a screwdriver), to salvage the casings, until, well, technically, I guess, he shot himself . . . . . A former Saturday Night Live player (from the lean years, so you aren’t expected to remember him), Tony Rosato, has apparently improv’ed himself into a mentally-ill diagnosis by claiming, non-comedically, that his wife and kid have been replaced by pod people . . . . . An excellent prima-facie case of "hostile environment" sexual-orientation discrimination against a transsexual—except that the "workplace" was a prison work detail, so it's OK . . . . . Not Ready for a Driver’s License: A tale of gratuitous panic by a 17-yr-old girl, complete with screaming for mommy and lifetime memories of her van, sunk in freshly-poured concrete on the West Virginia Turnpike.

Your Daily Loser
Lolita Bullock (not to be confused with those nubile dolls named Lolita in pornography) turned herself in for robbing a Bank of America and informed the arresting officer that she’d also please like the Crimestoppers reward (and, figuring she’d be off to jail, brought along a friend to take home the money).

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Courtesy of Professor Music, here is an page of 38 mugshots of horny young women who have been charged with hitting on boys (in most cases, the women’s students), all gathered together for your dorm-room rating-party pleasure.

This is why Yr Editor loves Science and doubts Intelligent Design: Some researchers say there’s no such thing as "free will" for humans [search: Benjamin Libet], but it now looks like, There sure is, for fruit flies [LINK CORRECTED] . . . . . Congratulations to Roxie Britton, valedictorian at Froid High School in Montana, who beat out . . nobody . . for the top prize.

NOTW, The Blog
Yr Editor failed to perform on promises made in this space Monday but will keep them on the "active" agenda.
Two questionable stories are making the rounds this week, and purists [Ed.: After all, this is the Pro Edition of News of the Weird] will want to pass them by: (1) A guy allegedly urinated on a plugged-in PlayStation and knocked himself out, electrically speaking. I’m not sure the result is even likely, but I do know that so far there is no legitimate news source for it. (2) The Salt Lake City CBS TV station’s website ran as current news a 2005 story out of Northridge, Calif., in which a john was arrested for beating a ‘ho to death with a garden hoe (which looks like a good story except for being two yrs old).

Newsrangers: Joe Littrell, Diane Gunnels-Rowley, Mark Neunder (and too many rangers on the bullets-in-the-vise "shooting").
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.