Friday’s 5-Star Special
U.S. Sen. Trent Lott (an advocate for the current immigration legislation), explaining Wednesday why critics are wrong to keep harping on strengthening the Mexican border with fences: "If the answer is ‘build a fence,’ I’ve got two goats on my place in Mississippi. There ain’t no fence big enough, high enough, strong enough, that you can keep those goats in that fence. Now people are at least as smart as goats." "We should have a virtual fence. Now one of the ways I keep those goats in the fence is I electrified them. Once they get popped a couple of times they quit trying to jump it. I’m not proposing an electrified goat fence. I’m just trying . . . there’s an analogy there."
[NOTE: Yr Editor will not publish tomorrow. Back on Monday.]
Civilization in Decline
Activists have calculated that 59 U.S.-trained Arabic speakers have now been ejected from the military because they’re gay, i.e., all were native English-speakers who completed intense (and expensive) military language school . . . . . A Texas lottery activist said too few people play the game called Texas Two-Step, and that soon, according to the law, the state will have to tap into school funds to pay winners . . . . . A Nebraska judge ruled that it’s too prejudicial to allow witnesses to use the words "rape" or "sexual assault" in a rape trial, that they just have to call it "sex," to be fair to the oppressed accused-rapist, but a Slate writer says that’s OK [Ed.: Next: "Bank robbery" changed to "made a withdrawal"] [UPDATE: I've been persuaded by a reader that the Slate writer is actually skeptical, as well.]
The Human Condition Today
Brit Lesley Cameron was barred at the door when she showed up for her wedding (traces of dope) because the wedding was to be at a prison, where her fiancé is awaiting sentencing for murdering Cameron’s brother . . . . . At a nursing home in Toronto, an Alzheimer’s man killed another Alzheimer’s man because the perp was certain that the victim had stolen his wife, who is an Alzheimer’s woman who had been hanging around with the victim.
Your Daily Loser
Maurice Stuckey, 20, walked up to a cop in Port St. Lucie, Fla., to ask for directions, it having slipped his mind that he had a big, fat marijuana blunt tucked behind his ear.
Apparently, if you stick your finger down your truck’s gas tank, it might get stuck, plus it’s quite painful, plus it’s gonna be a while before even professionals can get it loose, plus you’re gonna need body work on that truck . . . . . Current Formula One racing leader Lewis Hamilton, driving a go-cart to promote a charity event in London, accidentally crashed it . . . . . Conservatives in India don’t like it that a state company is marketing a new condom (OK, by itself) that has a built-in vibrating ring (not OK).
In the Josh Hancock Estate lawsuit (the speeding, inebriated, cell-phone-talking baseball player who fatally crashed in April [NOTW Daily, 5-25-2007]), the tow-truck driver, who was just sitting there when Hancock fastballed into him, has swung back, threatening to hit the Estate hard if the parents don’t drop him from this frivolous lawsuit.
Professor Music’s Weird Links
Ten Weird and Bizarre Japanese Soft Drinks (y’know, "breast milk" by the carton, canned coffee, Water Salad, diet water, etc.)
Newsrangers: Lax Madapaty, Joe Littrell, Brian Bjolin, Paul Music, Mark Neunder, Jeff Powell.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.