Monday, June 25, 2007

Monday’s 5-Star Special
Jeanne Nadvit, 18, started the Arrest-Fest in Brunswick, Ohio, last week when she tried to outrun police in her car but crashed it into someone’s bedroom. So she called her friend Stephanie to come help her (since she was pinned in the car). Stephanie showed up drunk and was arrested for DUI. The tow truck guy showed up, but he was drunk, too, and arrested. Nadvit was charged with felony fleeing, which she said she had to do because her license had been suspended.

Civilization in Decline
Nairobi’s Mungiki mafia looks a little like the Mafia mafia (extortions, etc.) except they’re devil-worshipers, and they drink blood out of jerrycans . . . . . Have you noticed that when some big celebrity is to be presented an environmental award, he has to create an awful lot of CO2 to get to the ceremony (like Prince Charles, for instance)? . . . . . A German TV channel debuting in a few months is all-death-prep all the time: funerals, mourning, hospices, wills and estates, etc . . . . . The Tribes of American Society: Who knew hot-shot parents today went through so much angst just to brand their babies with the coolest names (paying consultants, numerologists, "name-ologists") [Absolutely free advice from Yr Editor: Can't get much cooler than the middle name of "Wayne"]

The Human Condition Today
OK, there’s a terrier-mix dog in Asheville, N.C., that has convinced some people that he can do arithmetic and basic algebra, and (since the newspaper industry is suffering circulation declines) apparently the Citizen-Times newspaper doesn’t want to get too harsh about the intelligence of those good citizens of Asheville who are amazed by Micah’s work . . . . . Today’s Cognitive Dissonance: According to Republican Congressman Mark Kirk, conservatives might want to re-think their opposition to mass distribution of condoms because condoms would be a great way to reduce the number of illegal immigrants!

Your Daily Loser
Yr Editor suspects this is a fictitious person, but according to Brooklyn, N.Y., dentist Mohinder Mayell, he’s real: The loser would be a certain patient of Dr. Mayell, who (according to state Medicaid billing records) sat in the chair in Dr. Mayell’s office one day and had 52 teeth filled.

We’re lightning professionals here in the F State, meaning we can get killed by a bolt out of the clear blue sky . . . . . Ms. Georgia Brown, 2, became a member of Mensa [Ed.: and let’s see if she follows unwritten Mensa protocol and starts subtly dropping that fact to her pals on the playground] . . . . . Hitachi gave a status report on its brain cap (no implants) that moves (or stops) a toy train based on whether the cap wearer is using his frontal cortex or not . . . . . Firefighters in Edinburg, Tex., drew the envy of their colleagues everywhere by battling that warehouse blaze in which a ton of marijuana burned up (i.e., those air packs they wear are good, but they’re not that good) . . . . . They rounded up the Usual Suspect: A guy in Chicago got robbed at an ATM and told cops the perp looked like Samuel L. Jackson, so cops looked around for a guy who looks like Jackson, and the clerk at the nearby YMCA said he had a tenant who looks like Jackson, and voilà!

Larry Manzanares, the former judge (and at the time, City Attorney of Denver), who was caught with a stolen city gov’t computer and tried to say he, er, bought it from a guy in a parking lot [NOTW Daily, 2-26-2007], took The Only Way Out Friday night . . . . . Speaking of City Attorneys, the wife of Los Angeles’s [NOTW Daily, 6-20-2007] gets in more trouble now every day that the L.A. Times publishes; the paper discovered she was operating a business, since 2002, without a license and without state tax returns and that she has this serious problem paying attention to traffic tickets.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Nope, not today; look again tomorrow

Newsrangers: Bill Hupp, Mark Neunder, Ginger Katz, Karl Olson, Matt Mirapaul, Tom Barker
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.