Monday, June 11, 2007

Monday’s 5-Star Special
"One of the last remaining tribes of hunter-gatherers on the planet is on the verge of vanishing into the modern world," reports the Washington Post, and it’s because the gov’t of Tanzania is leasing 2,500 square miles of the Serengeti Plain to United Arab Emirates royalty so they’ll be able to hunt without having to mingle with the masses. The Hadzabe tribe has been around for 50,000 yrs (er, for you non-Creationists, that is).

Civilization in Decline
Toronto Gen’l Hospital has settled its dispute with kidney patient Sandi Sabloff (for now, anyway): She’s not getting the promised organ because TGH is intimidated by the donor’s mother, who said her adult son is a brain-washed "Jesus Christian," which is a well-known kidney-donating "cult" . . . . . The lede out of Akron, Ohio, was that a charter school served gin to graduating 6th-graders (but it turns out rather benign and even banal, unless you’re some of the parents at the school, in which case, the teachers might as well have been force-feeding kids liters of Gilbey’s) . . . . . A smart-ass middle-school student in North Bend, Ore., who was ticked off at a campus ban on bottled water, proved in the lab that the school’s drinking fountains were far dirtier, bacteria-wise, than the water in one of its toilets . . . . . Kitson (of Beverly Hills, "a general store for the rich") said it has settled its lawsuit against Us Weekly, which it filed because the magazine merely failed to mention Kitson when it was writing about hangouts for the rich . . . . . Ten days ago, we learned that a New Zealand company had shut off the electricity of an oxygen-machine-dependent woman over a bill of NZ$168 [US$125], but in Middlefield, Conn., on Friday, they found the body of a recluse who has probably been dead and untouched in her home since 1999, and the electricity’s been on the whole time.

The Human Condition Today
Not In My Back Yard—whether it’s low-level radioactive waste or a Bible fun park in the Bible Belt . . . . . Burlington, Vt., attorney Lorin Duckman (representing accused murderer Brian Rooney in an unrelated sex assault case) asked the judge for a delay because, after all, Duckman has to review "hundreds and hundreds" of hours of sex videos seized from Rooney, and "I’m not sure you can hire someone [else] to look at these" . . . . . From Britain’s Alldog Bakery, dog treats "made with human quality ingredients" so dog and master can bond while snacking together (with the main downside being that, per gram, the treat costs 40 percent more than lumpfish caviar) . . . . . A long-time Nigerian resident of Belgium complained that he was turned down for a job because the employer’s dog snaps at blacks (defense: "My dog is racist. Not me") . . . . . Sadly, Manuela Markham, who was arrested for trying to smuggle dope into a prison, may have seen the end of her 18-yr career as a, uh, clown ("It’s all I’ve ever done since I was a teenager. People thought [Snuffy] was a wonderful clown. I won awards." And now "Nobody wants me.") . . . . . Nice Work, Lieu: Michael Mohr walked in to a New York City police station and said he had recently found Jesus Christ, who had told him to own up to having killed that homeless woman in 2004, so, case closed.

Your Daily Loser
Man on a Mission: A 46-yr-old fella held up a store in a Milwaukee suburb, with his total take consisting of 12 bottles of whiskey, two heads of lettuce, and a digital thermometer.

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Sara White, 20, Turlock, Calif., has a fiancé but decided to fool around online with a guy named Fernando, and finally they made plans to meet, but at the last minute, the fiancé looked good to her again, but she didn’t want to hurt Fernando’s feelings. So she commenced, and carried on for two hours on her cell phone, an elaborate kidnapping act that scrambled 60 cops and had her whispering "from a car trunk." "Basically," she admitted when police finally thought to knock on her front door, "it was the only thing I could think of."

Sounds Like a Joke [Ed.: And, ehh, maybe it is; even though Reuters carried it from China’s Xinhua agency, the gist is never explained]: Two gov’t officials in Bujia were jailed after a bridge collapsed, and it turned out that the builder was legally blind, and the two men either didn’t know or didn’t care . . . . . [Ed.: I’m sorry, and please, please, forgive me, please] A courthouse employee in Marshalltown, Iowa, has been charged with stealing lots of toilet paper from the supply room, and her name is [Ed.: I hate myself] Suzanne Butts.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
This is just a story from London’s Daily Mail (so it probably won’t be up forever), but I acquired it too late to run as "news." The Citarum River runs near Jakarta, Indonesia. It’s 200 miles long, and its banks house more than 500 factories. Twenty yrs ago, wrote the Daily Mail, it was a place of beauty. Take a look today (but have some Pepto Bismol handy).

Newsrangers: Emory Kimbrough, John Holsinger, John Votel, Steven Caldar, Ginger Katz, Larry Ellis Reed.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.