Tuesday’s 5-Star Special
[Well, there’s some good stuff here, but Yr Editor is having trouble actually falling in love with any of these beauties, so you’ll have to supply your own today.]
Civilization in Decline
It’s been feared for a while, but here we are: The Ottawa-Carleton District School Board in Canada is seriously considering selling naming rights to its schools . . . . . Two more of those, y’know, jobs that immigrants do because Americans, apparently, won’t: CEO and political director of the California Republican Party . . . . . Those white people sure do love that Affirmative Action, to help them get ahead! . . . . . Japanese restaurateurs ponder the unthinkable (in reaction to the worldwide tuna restrictions): deer sushi, horse sushi.
The Human Condition Today
Great Moments in Feng Shui: Jenny Robertson said she scrutinized the house at the edge of a golf course in Maricopa, Ariz., according to feng shui principles and decided to buy it, but "We did not consider the feng shui of bad golfers" . . . . . Judge Julian Hall of Britain’s Oxford Crown Court, letting a 25-yr-old man out of prison after 2 yrs because, after all, the 10-yr-old girl he had sex with was "provocative," "precocious," and "looked 16" . . . . . F-Stater Carlos Lopez, 19, is "recovering" after a guy stabbed him in the forehead with an iron bar so hard that it extended out the back of his skull . . . . . The New Zealand Herald reports that a prostitute on call in a john’s car, which was in an accident, may file for, er, workers’ comp (because she's legal in NZ) . . . . . The saga of Charlie Kemp and his lovely wife Lee, and their voluntarily sexless marriage, which came about after Lee, who had been Charlie’s gay lover for years, revealed to Charlie that he had always wanted to be a housewife and so got a full sex change [Ed.: Yeah, stop me if you’ve heard that one before!].
If you’re of Yr Editor’s age, a scheduled code hearing in a town on the east coast of Florida yesterday had enormous irony content: Arlo Guthrie owns a hurricaned-over house that the county wants him to fix up, and authorities have glossy photographs showing why the condition is illegal. (However, the Board [apparently, none of whose members are blind] postponed the hearing until next month.)
Good Enough for Gov’t Work
The good Samaritan stayed with the severely-injured deer on the side of the road for 90 minutes, begging the Nashville (Tenn.) Metro cop at her side to please shoot it, but he refused, saying he’d have to fill out a long report if he fired his weapon (and so a state road crew finally did the job, not quickly, with a shovel and a sledgehammer).
The Japanese hot-dog-munching champ, Kobayashi, is on the DL and won’t be able to defend at Coney Island this yr ("jaw arthritis") . . . . . Our old friend the vicious killer Curtis Allgier broke away from his prison minder, killed him, escaped, and was recaptured, giving all news outlets another chance to run his mugshot . . . . . On the subject of cheap mugshot laughs, the made-over Lizard Man [NOTW 751, 6-30-2002] (and here's Cat Man [NOTW 905, 6-12-2005] as long as we're at it) appeared at the opening of Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! Museum in NYC last week . . . . . And the Arizona Court of Appeals has reached its decision: If cops see a bag of drugs partially protruding from a suspect’s rectum, and the cops’ search warrant doesn’t specifically say "body cavity" search, they can’t yank the bag out [NOTW M006, 5-20-2007].
Professor Music’s Weird Links
[Ed.: Well, ya got Curtis Allgier, Lizard Man, and Cat Man; that'll do until tomorrow.]
NOTW, The Blog
Two great lawsuits hit the news yesterday. First, as everyone knows, the dry cleaner family doesn’t have to pay the D.C. administrative law judge for those pants (but the judge deferred ruling on whether the ALJ will have to pay the family’s legal bills, so the "justice" angle is still undetermined). But also, The Day of Greenwich, Conn., provided a status report on the lawsuit by the family of a woman who was brain-impaired when her son-in-law totally screwed up the brake and the gas and plunged into the Connecticut River [NOTW 916, 8-28-2005]. Though everything appears to be the guy’s fault (according to his initial police statement, but not according to his later deposition, which contains some "I don’t recall"’s), the guy’s wife (daughter of the injured woman) is suing the town for not anticipating that someone as klutzy as her husband would drive down to the river bank, because the town should have had a barrier there and a dive team at the ready. Yr Editor’s favorite part is, of course, the daughter’s lawyer’s cliche, that she’s suing not for the money but because she wants to make sure a similar accident doesn’t happen to someone else (as if there will ever be anyone in Old Saybrook, Conn., who would do what the son-in-law did).
Newsrangers: Karl Olson, James Wicht.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.