Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Wednesday’s 5-Star Special
In a piece obviously written by The Onion, a Vatican official prescribed certain prayers and Christian-virtue rules for drivers ("Pastoral Care of the Road") (e.g., make the sign of the cross before starting off, say the rosary while tooling along)—oh, wait, that really was issued by the Vatican . . . . . But this one absolutely must be from The Onion: Swede Roger Tullgren, 42, has convinced the local Employment Service in Hassleholm that he has a "heavy metal" music addiction which limits his workplace abilities, and thus he gets a gov’t salary supplement for his job as dishwash—oh, wait . . .?

Civilization in Decline
Just what Brits need: more public surveillance cameras (these, in alleys, to monitor whether residents are respecting the garbage-pickup laws) . . . . . Los Angeles City Attorney Rocky Delgadillo, who had spouted the aggressive law-enforcement line about Paris Hilton’s suspended driver’s license being serious enough for jail, finally admitted to his wife’s own suspended-license troubles (which he had apparently grown weary of stonewalling to the media).

The Human Condition Today
An F State sheriff’s deputy was suspended for browsing sex sites at work, which he said he needed to do to forget about the recent bad news that his adult daughter has cancer . . . . . In downtown Provo, Utah, a street duel with mops (and a Brigham Young track star is arrested) . . . . . You commit crime with the weapon you have, not the weapon you’d like to have: A man in a wheelchair hit a man in the face with his wooden leg and took $30 . . . . . People Different From Us: (1) In Somerset, Pa., someone broke into an apartment and stole salad out of the refrigerator; (2) In Whitehall, Pa., two women dressed as nurses walked into an old man’s home, and one held up a sheet so he couldn’t see the other one stealing him blind, but both fled empty-handed when he slugged one with his cane; (3) In Rayville, La., a sheriff’s deputy came upon a man-snake confrontation on a highway and actually recognized the snake (which was a one-eyed boa constrictor) and returned it to its owner (who had bought it at a discount because of the missing eye).

Your Daily Loser
The extraordinarily chutzpahtic Leon Caldwell is trying to collect half of the $2.9M Sept. 11 fund payout, as the biological father of a 30-yr-old man who worked in a 102nd floor office, but the former Mrs. Caldwell points out that Leon fled the family in 1973 and last made contact with the son in 1984.

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
The Daily Monitor in Kampala, Uganda, reports, after interviewing police officers, that nine hundred or so women call the equivalent-of-911 number every night requesting a cop to help them not be so lonely [link from Fark.com].

Update
Tax-resisters Ed and Elaine Brown are still holed up in Plainfield, N.H., with federal marshals waiting them out [NOTW Daily, 6-14-2007]. Ed said he’s not accepting any "tomfoolery" from the feds; that "we either walk out of here free or we die"; that taxing labor is illegal because "there is no law, we looked and looked" for one; that "this is 1776 all over again"; that "the Freemasons have taken over our nation [and want to take over] all nations on the planet." [Yr Editor has long been convinced: There must be a tax gene.]

Professor Music’s Weird Links
For those tired of feeling bad about murder, here’s a chance to celebrate it. From July 26th through the 29th, in Milwaukee . . . Paul Hill Days! (He’s the guy who murdered the abortion-clinic doctor in Pensacola, Fla., in 1994). ("God’s man and our hero," wrote the organizers) [And there’s another gene Yr Editor apparently lacks.]

NOTW, The Blog
So far, commentators on the B&D website I mentioned yesterday have expressed quite a bit of indifference to that one reader’s point. Unless something changes, I’ll officially chalk this all up to one reader who maybe wasn’t all that familiar with what’s been in NOTW for the past, er, 19 yrs, and especially, in NOTW Daily, which is the, um, "Pro Edition" (and the Pros certainly ought to know who they are). One comment was on the money, though: The link opened to a page that included dirty pictures (thumbnails, but photos just the same), and I should have put a Not Safe For Work warning there, for workplace over-the-shoulder problems.

Newsrangers: Aaron Geiger, Joe Littrell, Carol Gehm, Rebecca Gamble, the unrelated Ginger Katz and Ivan Katz, Karl Olson, Mark Neunder.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.