Friday’s 5-Star Special
Foreign Policy magazine (not quite Foreign Affairs but still a serious journal) named the five stupidest Fatwas, and of course, our favorite (the breastfeeding one) is there. The one about not being able to look at your spouse naked is there, too, and especially because it was subsequently modified to make it OK to see each other as long as you don’t look directly at each other’s hoo-hahs.
Civilization in Decline
A Vancouver couple will have to live with their apartment’s infestation of bats for another six weeks or so because it’s illegal in Canada to disturb bats during schtupping season . . . . . This ol’ trick still works, apparently, but maybe only in the District of Calamity: You can steal time from a parking meter with a quarter on a string . . . . . Tough guy Derek Boogaard of the Nat’l Hockey League’s Minnesota Wild has opened a teenage summer camp specializing in teaching players to fight (Seriously) . . . . . The coming transgender showdown popped up in Arizona, where Scottsdale bar owner Tom Anderson is at a loss (Does he make his regular female customers endure transsexuals in the ladies’ room? How about transvestites who pretend? Does he check their equipment?).
The Human Condition Today
Not fair, in that she’s not-bad-looking (actually, sorta Dana Scully-like), and she’s a hard-working nurse, but it was just the "more than 100" cockroaches climbing all over the garbage in the back seat of her car, where her two toddlers were riding (and doing bodily functions) . . . . . Here’s what a 90-yr-old pervert looks like (Bonus: with a name from central casting) . . . . . Best headline: "Eight Die in Gun Battle Over Wild Fungus" (Reuters, from China) . . . . . A Steven Wright Joke Come to Life: Serena Yan, working out as a member of the Houston, Tex., 24 Hour Fitness center, got accidentally locked in when they closed up for the night ("not in a row!").
Your Daily Loser
Patrick Tribett, the Ohio paint huffer whose glittering-gold mug shot starred on the Internet in 2005, was arrested for public intox again (that’s at least five).
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Ehhh, Reuters says it has found an avid consumer of the "love dolls" made by Japan’s Orient Industry Company, selling for the equivalent of from $850 to $5,500 each (depending on quality of resemblance to the real thing), and the interview reveals he has a different gal for every day of the week.
Italy’s "Masters" games (entrants age 35 and older, up to, gulp, 90) will make sure the javelin-throwing competition is held way away from everything else . . . . . Right after the Roswell, N.M., celebration of 60 yrs since the aliens landed, Roswell Honda dealership suddenly found itself with 50,000 accidental "winners" of the $1,000 grand prize in a scratch-off promotion (Coincidence?).
Good Enough for Gov’t Work
WCBS-TV learned that when the NY city gov’t leases SUV’s, it pays, uh, well, $4,000 a month each (because it’s part of a city contract, and that’s what the contractor charges them) . . . . . And Cook County, Ill., was forced to eliminate the job of its award-winning nurse practitioner because she didn’t have enough seniority to satisfy the union contract.
That 10-yr-old Nepalese "goddess" who got "fired" for visiting the U.S. has been re-hired, provided she does some rehab . . . . . The Los Angeles Times checks up today on Ed and Elaine Brown of Plainfield, N.H., who are the couple holed up for six months now, suffering that disorder brought on by being born with the Tax Gene, i.e., they welcome death as long as they get to make some point or other about taxes.
Professor Music’s Weird Links
Coming again soon.
Newsrangers: Joe Littrell, Michael Lewyn, Ginger Katz, Stefan Palys, George Ronczy, Nick DiNardo.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.