Monday, July 09, 2007

Monday’s 5-Star Special
The New Jihadists: (1) At America’s largest "Christian paintball park," the ritual includes pre-combat prayer and no out-loud cussing, and a players’ association that condones warring on Sundays (instead of church) ("I’ve looked at the Bible . . . the Bible is filled with combat as a topic," said one guy). (2) The Pope said that priests could, if their parishioners felt strongly enough about it, conduct mass with pre-Vatican II text, part of which includes prayers to help those poor, misguided Jews get to heaven.

[Reminder: NOTW Daily is published daily, except now, when it's published Mon-Wed-Fri.]

Civilization in Decline
You can give the Katy, Tex., school district credit for not adopting one of those one-size-fits-all "zero tolerance" policies, but not so fast: A 6th-grader wrote "I love Alex" on a wall with a marker, which is (according to a 5-level offense scale) a "4" (which includes making terroristic threats, possessing dangerous drugs, and assault with bodily injury), and it’s a felony, requiring mandatory reassignment to one of those schools for losers . . . . . An independent panel of doctors concluded that, of all the cases appealed from insurance-company denials of care in New York last yr, about half shouldn’t have been denied.

The Human Condition Today
An assistant administrator at a Pennsylvania school, who had heard of an epidemic of titty-twisting going on, saw his own chest being approached by a kid’s hand and instinctively punched the kid, resulting in the man’s, er, retirement . . . . . The delusional John Mark Karr (JonBenet Ramsey’s killer wannabe) was busted for fighting with his dad (age 91) and Karr’s girlfriend (age not given, but perhaps an adult) . . . . . Scottish dentist Joanna Chyzy has lost her license, due to "dexterity" issues, e.g., that time she ran a needle up into a guy’s nose . . . . . Joel Zsebenazy first intended to buy that carton of Newport cigarettes, but then figured he could just run out the door with them (though he failed to remember that a few seconds earlier, he had given the clerk his driver’s license in an age-check) . . . . . Glorious Pittsburgh: (1) the annual furries’ convention (but only 10 percent were full-fledged animal wannabes with the other 2,400 attendees being fans and fellow-travelers) and (2) in general, the U.S.’s hot spot for championship marbles . . . . . Jacob Johnson said, of course, that police overreacted when they detained him at gunpoint at a San Diego bank, just because he was wearing a large belt buckle in the shape of handgun (But what ya gonna do if you’re a customer or employee in the bank: Approach a potential bank robber and ask to examine him up close to see whether he’s got a real gun?).

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
"Uncle Jack" Sylvia, 70, busted in Fairhaven, Mass., for feeling up girls aged 4 and 9 (activity which he called "fluffing").

After initial reluctance, St. Peter the Apostle school in Melbourne, Australia, decided it would enroll Alex Hell’s 5-yr-old son, Max Hell . . . . . In East Dublin, Ga., this past weekend: the annual Redneck Games (mud-pit belly-flopping, an "armpit serenade," etc.) . . . . . James Coldwell, 49, was arrested for bank robbery in Manchester, N.H., despite being cleverly disguised as a, er, tree (and bring on the puns: it was a branch bank; he went out on a limb with that disguise; police were stumped, etc.).

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Nope, not today.

NOTW, The Blog
(1) I appreciate very much the sweet notes that people have sent about my malaise, all so far encouraging me to take a break. However, I can’t really do that because what’s also going on now is that I’m sorta auditioning for an Internet Big who is trying to decide whether to sponsor NOTW Daily as a daily feature. My dilemma, specifically, is do I publish 6 columns of diluted quality during my malaise, or do I publish, oh, 3 columns a week of higher quality? I’ve preliminarily decided on the latter, but it has to be temporary, which is why you’ll continue to see the annoying "reminders" on every post that NOTW Daily is really a 6-day feature, even though it might be a month or longer before it returns to that. Of course, if the Internet Big decides he wants me, Yr Editor will snap to attention and do whatever is requested. (Yes, when money is on the table, Yr Editor is nothing more than slime.)
(2) Ehhh, here’s a poorly-sourced story from London’s Daily Mail that has several elements of a true story but not how the hell a London newspaper found out about a police matter in Cologne, Germany. There’s no German dateline, no German tipper of the story, no credit to another German news source. Anyway, a German woman has charged that Cologne psychotherapist Peter Blaeker exploited her multiple-personality disorder by having sex with one of them but getting another to clean for him and yet another to lend him money, and of course he can’t talk about it because each of the three patients has the privilege of doctor-patient confidentiality.

Newsrangers: Maggie Mack, Steve Miller, Joe Littrell.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.