Saturday, July 07, 2007

Saturday’s 5-Star Special
Italy’s president-once-removed, Silvio Berlusconi, delivering a political lecture, paid tribute to his role model, Margaret Thatcher, thought by others to be merely the Iron Lady but by Silvio as "una bella gnocca," with the most popular street translation of "gnocca" being "vulva."

Civilization in Decline
The UK is starting its 25,000-strong early-release program to ease prison overcrowding, and they’re so excruciatingly fair about it that they’re also cashing out the inmates’ room and board that the prison would otherwise be paying during the remainder of their sentences (Seriously) . . . . . The U.S. Court of Appeals in Cincinnati ruled that people who believe they’ve been unconstitutionally eavesdropped on by the gov’t can’t get there from here: The plaintiffs who brought the lawsuit couldn’t prove they had been victimized, and if they had proof, another law forbids them from telling anyone about it (including a judge) . . . . . A Canadian mother scoots us along on the continuum toward the eventual mass warehousing of frozen embryos, from women and girls everywhere, for whatever purpose (maybe a Wal-Mart frozen embryo section!).

The Human Condition Today
Cockfighting gamers challenge New Mexico’s new ban by pointing out that it conflicts with an 1848 federal treaty that supposedly guaranteed that New Mexicans could keep their "cultural" lifestyle . . . . . U.S. Army Maj. Timothy Pentaleri, 42, apparently intended to beat up his former girlfriend, judging by the geek-like list of reminders to himself ("club her hard") and the flow chart of how it was all going down, along with his bag o’ goodies (condoms, gloves, shoe polish, Clorox wipes, K-Y, camera, turkey baster, nylon soc– . . turkey baster?) . . . . . After a 100-mph police chase, the perp’s car finally flipped over, allowing the cops to advance on it and pounce on the, er, 11-yr-old girl driver (Bonus: She was drunk) . . . . . The city manager of Keizer, Ore., has apologized that the concrete barriers he ordered (from a catalog) to protect pedestrians on downtown streets look so much like phalluses, as you can plainly see [Safe For Work, unless you’re from Keizer, Ore.] . . . . . Behold Jennifer Parr, 23! Two hours after a woman had closed on selling her house, the DUI Parr crashed into it, and when the seller scrambled to see what happened, she encountered Parr, "covered in blood, cigarette in one hand and cell phone in the other [wrote the Orlando Sentinel]," and casually asked the seller, "Do you have a light? I’m on house arrest."

Your Daily Loser
Tony Hicks was sent to a Knoxville, Tenn., area hospital on July 1 after being hit by a car, and got out on July 2, and went back in later that day after being roughed up by a burglar in his home, and got out on July 3, and went back in again later that day after police shot him during a suspected robbery.

A British woman entered her sponge cake in a contest and won 2nd place, tempered only by the fact that she was the only entrant . . . . . Travis Teeples got the crap beat out of him in a Boise, Idaho, bar (mug shot), even though he had gotten off to a crescent-wrench-to-the-face head start . . . . . Is the cure worse than the disorder: 15-yr-old boy in Scotland claims his nasty asthma has vanished, now that he has learned to play the bagpipes . . . . . But in professional science research by a Scotsman, a University of Edinburgh professor tells what she’s learned about the nuances of how fish process information.

The Westboro Baptist Phelps Family Chronicles: Shirley (Rev. Fred’s daughter), 49, was charged with 4 misdemeanors, including 2 for being a bad mom, for allowing her son, 10, to stomp on a U.S. flag during a demonstration in Nebraska (but, to her rescue: the ACLU!)

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Baggage handler John Smeaton has become an Internet hero for beating up one of the Glasgow Airport perps last weekend. (There is confusion over which Scottish Jack Bauer landed the most glorious kicks to the huevos, though; it might have been cab driver Alex McIlveen, who said he tore a tendon.) Smeaton gives good quote, e.g, "You come to Glasgow, we don’t stand for it. We’ll just set aboot ye." And now, there are "What Would John Smeaton Do?" memorabilia, and jokes (Osama: "You told me John Smeaton was off on Saturdays"), and, er, Robert Burns-like poetry.

NOTW, The Blog
Yr Editor has several items to write about, but as you know (from Thursday’s post), I’m awaiting a juice transfusion, which might arrive as soon as Monday.

Newsrangers: Ginger Katz, Randy Murphy, Phillip Choisser, Kathryn Wood.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.