Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Wednesday’s 5-Star Special
Yr Editor is not of the belief that seems to regard white people’s use of the ol’ n-word as tantamount to steering airliners into the World Trade Center, but on the other hand, here’s the 80-yr-old white chairman of the board of Roger Williams University in Bristol, R.I., admitting he said it in a board meeting but that he’d never used the word before in his entire life and that he must’ve picked it up from watching "television" or, better yet, listening to "rap music." (Bonus: He said he should be judged by his whole career, including having given "$7 million" to the University, and the school responded that, er, $4.2 million of that must have gotten lost in the mail.)

[REMINDER: NOTW Daily is temporarily only half the man it used to be, i.e., Mon-Wed-Fri only]

Civilization in Decline
Wisconsin is said to be the first state to introduce a bill specifying in detail what a divorcing couple’s rights are regarding custody of their pets.

The Human Condition Today
Nasir Farrakhan (son of Minister "Calypso Louie" Farrakhan of the Nation of Islam) was assessed punitive damages for crashing into a couple four yrs ago while driving daddy’s Hummer, and he appealed, contending that he was merely "asleep during the entire trip" down the Indiana Toll Road, rather than doped on Vicodin and other drugs whose paraphernalia were in the Hummer (but federal judge Philip Simon wrote that Nasir was lying through his teeth [Ed.: the judge used the uptown legal word "unpersuasive"]) . . . . . An Australian man commandeered a privately-owned tank and wiped out seven cell phone towers, on account of, naturally, cell phone waves having messed with his mind . . . . . And an Australian rugby player finally got a diagnosis for the constant head pains: A collision on the field four months ago left an opponent’s tooth embedded, deeply, just above his eye . . . . . But at least the tooth wasn’t alive, as were the five "squirming fly larvae" in Aaron Dallas’s head after he picked them up in Belize and which a doctor finally diagnosed and removed back home in Colorado . . . . . In training for the upcoming Pan American Games in Rio de Janeiro, she runs 40 minutes a day and does 200 sit-ups, and that’s because she’s a prostitute upping her endurance for the expected surge in business during the Games . . . . . Alexander Ocampo was charged with DUI in South Carolina, with a major piece of evidence being his not having noticed that when he took a reckless turn, his passenger flew out the window.

Your Daily Losers
A little knowledge can be dangerous, er, in the hands of nincompoops, like the four Oklahoma inmates who were indicted for a grand scheme that went nowhere but which they apparently took quite seriously. They "copyrighted" their names, then demanded millions of dollars from the warden for using the names without permission, then for leverage against the "millions," filed liens against his property and hired someone to seize his cars and freeze his bank accounts.

Who knew that koalas were such dogs and hoochies (up to half in two Australian states having tested positive for chlamydia) . . . . . Sounds like a joke: In India, the winner of a condom company’s "taste test" was the one flavored in tobacco and betel nut . . . . . A routine payment dispute between a sex worker and her client, except at morning rush hour in East St. Louis, Ill., with the half-clothed women (top half) having jumped in his car and commenced beating on him even as he tried to drive through the bustling streets.

Professor Music’s Weird Links is usually just a heavily-tilted conservative news site, but it deserves a Pulitzer, Yr Editor sez, for its periodically updated compilation of female teachers caught having sex with their underage students, and so far, the total is 105 [Safe For Work, except maybe for the politics].

Newsrangers: Raul Stone-Cousley, Tom Barker, James Wicht, Bob Pert, Bruce Townley.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.