Friday, August 17, 2007

Friday’s 5-Star Special
Baptist preacher Wiley S. Drake of Buena Park, Calif., had a busy week, endorsing Mike Huckabee for the Republican presidential nomination but also calling on parishioners to pray, with him, for the quick demise of two members of Americans United for Separation of Church and State. Drake said he was, of course, "simply doing what God told me to do."

Civilization in Decline
Sure, clowns are evil, but still, UK clown Barney Baloney complained that the PC crowd won't let him do his balloon tricks (a kid might have a latex allergy), or bubble-making (a kid might slip on the soapy water), or gun-shaped balloons (bad example) . . . . . Catholic bishop Martinus Muskens of the Netherlands gave the suggestion, as his parting advice upon retirement, that Catholics should begin to call God "Allah," to heal things (but other Catholics went nuts) . . . . . A court in Montreal told the largest school board in Quebec that it couldn’t just fire a teacher who failed to mention that he had killed his wife in 1990 (killing your wife has nothing to do with teaching electronics) . . . . . Apology-Mania continues to spread: In two more places, people "apologized" for things that they had absolutely nothing to do with: (1) Some people in New East Britain part of Papua New Guinea sent word to Fiji that they apologize for their ancestors who ate four Fijian missionaries 132 yrs ago, and (2) the Danish culture minister apologized to some people in Ireland for Viking raids around the year 1042 . . . . . Now available: 50,000-volt Tasers in soft pastel colors, for ladies’ protection, but the executive director of the Nat’l FOP doesn’t like the idea because, already, Tasers are not regulated any more than hair dryers.

The Human Condition Today
Half of Laurette Eifrig’s $423k retirement nest egg has now been bled by legal and guardian fees occasioned by her two daughters’ courtroom feuding over who gets to take care of her . . . . . An officer on the staff of the coroner in Norfolk, England, is suing for the equivalent of about $300k because he’s stressed out, dealing with death . . . . . Pennsylvania state court judge Michael Joyce, 58, reportedly got caught scamming two insurance companies out of a total of $440k by claiming that a minor fender-bender rendered him largely immobile (but fortunately, he could golf, scuba dive, and get a pilot’s license during that time).

Your Daily Loser
That would be the guy (unnamed but now in custody) in Orlando who had led police on a chase, then fled on foot, still clutching that last can of Corona (from the 12-pack in the front seat).

Arrested in Delaware on assaulting-police and other warrants: Mr. Jihad L. Perry . . . . . Killed by police in Fairbanks, Alaska (when he inadvisedly pointed a fake gun at officers): Mr. Lucky Adams . . . . . In the population-challenged Russian region of Ulyanovsk, Sept. 12 has been declared national, er, hittin’ it day, to go make more little Ulyanovskans . . . . . In Eugene, Ore., comes another instance of a guy choking on a sandwich while driving, then losing control and crashing into something, with his body thrust against something (here, the seat belt, but here, the steering wheel [NOTW 702, 7-22-2001]) that gave him an automatic Heimlich maneuver.

Good Enough for Gov’t Work
C&D Distributors of Lexington, S.C., and its twin-sister owners had been charged with ripping off the Pentagon not on parts (like the famous toilet seat), but on shipping charges, such as $998k for sending two 19-cent washers to a base in Texas. One sister pleaded guilty yesterday. C&D had noticed that the Pentagon failed to review charges if the shipment was labeled "priority," and C&D might have collected $20m over 6 yrs.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Soon. Promise.

NOTW, The Blog
On the heels of yesterday’s Blog entry comes word from Iraq that a sniper’s bullet headed for Pfc. Brendon Schweigart, was stopped by the pocket-sized Bible in his shirt, but of course, of course, we only know what Brendon told us happened, and (1) he's the kind of guy who carries a Bible in his pocket and (2) he also thinks he was healed partly because strangers prayed for him.

Newsrangers: David Yontz, Paul Di Filippo, Norah Satre, Karl Olson, Joe Inman, Carrie Juraska, Bob Pert, David Reside, Gil Nelson, Bruce Leiserowitz, James Wicht, Roy Henock
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.